Love and This Year

2020 is quite unusual. Pandemic aside, I didn’t fall head over heels in love and I didn’t date anyone new. I blame COVID for the lack of feelings to be had this year, but tell me something that isn’t already obvious. It’s strange. Normally, I could list a few good places I’ve been to with the lady or a few new experiences to be shared, but all that came to a halt.

Say it ain’t so. I’ve felt cheapened by the events of this year. Watered down even. The few casual encounters or what I like to call “extracurricular activities” I’ve had with women weren’t too meaningful nor something my mind to fixate on. Let’s not even number the headcount.

Everyone had this haze around them. I don’t blame them nor the constant reminders we’re inching towards a post-apocalyptic world — it can’t be helped. Shit. All I’m looking forward to is Thanksgiving — my all time favorite holiday. I can’t imagine the logistics around it, but I’m dreaming. This can’t all be happening and yet it is.

Later world.


That Word Love


Everyone seems to throw around the word love so loosely. I love this. I love that. But what is really love? I remember being a kid and listening to Elvis Presley’s Falling In Love With You for the first time and finding myself unable to grasp the word or know the feeling yet. Strange, but intriguing. Even as I’m much older, it’s still one of my all time favorites songs and is in my daily playlist. To love — what the fuck does that even mean?

I can vaguely remember falling in love for the first time. There’s a lot of first to be expected once you find yourself young, naive, and attracted to someone. They have the aura around them when your eyes find them in a crowd or better yet — when she walks towards you. There’s only one huge problem, young love doesn’t last yet we reminisce about it for a lifetime. Alluring is the word and so is attraction.

Isn’t that just one component of the four lettered word I rather not keep saying? Attraction is important, but physical traits shouldn’t outweigh personality. Everyone can look good in a picture posted online or social media with the hundreds of awful filters I see everyone overuse. I think it’s the most difficult part in finding that special someone that brings the spark in your eyes and the smile on your face. Is she really more than beauty?

The pitfalls of dating in the modern world is everyone wants to at least look like they’re compatible, but I find the person in front me during dinner unable to understand what the fuck I’m talking about. Their responses say a lot — it gives it away they have no idea what I’m referring to. Yes. Mmhmm. That’s cool. Why not just stop me and make it apparent you’re clueless? I can probably go for days talking about why space travel is cool as fuck, landing on Mars is important for humanity, or why buying stocks beats having money in a savings account. My interests aren’t that common. Tell me now.

Sincerity is paramount. I can’t take credit for that phrase because I’m sure someone else out there in the vast expanse of the world has used it before, but to love is to be sincere and always. Truth and honesty is one of he best traits about being in love. Knowing they can be real with you as you are to them is an amazing, yet reassuring feeling. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen my parents blatantly bullshit in front of each other for such stupid and petty reasons. They sleep in separate rooms.

You can’t love too many people either. Either they mean the world to you and more or they don’t. Why do you care about someone is equally as important as who you care about. The feeling is indescribable. The components that comprise it are many. And the reasons are strict and singular. Love — a four letter word I’ve felt, but only come close to fully understanding.

Later world.




The Woman Rose

Let me go,

Away to another world,

Somewhere far and none shall know,

There are stories told,

Some long and some old,

Fairytales for the woman of rose,

Gone this spring and none to hold,

Where’d she go?

Aurburn eyes and hair of gold,

Darling say it’s not so,

How you we came and you gone — no


Stay A While

Darling stay a while,

A minute or two more,

I have too much to say,

And the feelings are warm,

Is the world against us?

The pushing and the pull

A current flows between us

And we’re drifting ashore,

I hear a silence in the night,

The crashing waves below,

I see the glow of the moon,

But it’s empty in the day,



You Were Loved

Dearly beloved of the troubled soul,

My heart yearns for no other like amber rose,

I call forth darling yet no one knows,

Was the time we had so long ago,

Just a fling or something old?

Feelings come and sometimes go,

Yet the night keeps calling from the passing glow,

Reasons lie like the drifting coast,

Tempest storms with not a shore,

Castaway alone with a boat,

Sitting here on this open cove,

Dearest darling from long ago,

You came and gone like a passing ghost,


They say diamonds are forever, yet love isn’t unbreakable. Feelings are truly temporary in the worst of circumstances. And to think I almost got married several years ago. I don’t wonder what if. It was foolish of me.


Passing By

What yonder window breaks,

Auburn eyes into the soul like fate,

I see no other but love this day,

Sunshine clouds for the lonely way,

I feel a change in the time that’s swayed,

Seeing you again like yesterday,

It’s been an interesting few days this April. My perspective changed and all I have are my thoughts and few more memories.


Untitled 4/9/19

I keep dreaming for tomorrow,

A diamond ring for another,

Some call her the angel for my temper,

Another soul for the summer,

I keep awakening from my slumber,

Terrified eyes for the winter,

It’s troubling to another,

My mind thinks of nothing but her,

I was running from trouble,

Fear in the spring and alone in the shadows,

What am I without her?

Two hearts for another



An Eternity

I’ve waited an eternity,

A year or two more,

Several seasons ago,

And all of the moons before,

What is love my dear?

Longing for you and us,

How can’t you see it all along,

The desire for us to belong,

We call it names and puzzles too,

How we can dodge the feelings of true,

Help me love and to know,

How we can go on without us to hold,


To love is to long for what you can’t have. Hope she reciprocates. The best ones are the ones only in dreams. How tragic.


Room for Two

Darling dearest,

What are we?

Two birds of the only tree,

We walked alone on the road,

Eyes not to wander,

And two hands to hold,

Time has fallen,

The skies a shade of grey,

Are we lost together?

An eternity you speak,

What are we?

Two souls of the merrily,


The idea of happily ever after baffles me. It’s an enigma without a resolve. It’s the prettiest picture without a shadow in sight. No wonder we’re so caught up in the idea.


Without You So

We’ve gone too far,

And now I can’t let go,

From the mountain tops,

To the valleys below,

I can’t bare another day,

Without you so,