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Life Catches Up: An Introspective

It’s been a very traumatic month to say the least. It’s weird. Earlier I felt the winter blues slowly overcoming me and felt once again powerless to stop it. Seems my body needs the sunshine to maintain a proper mood.

My head injury doesn’t seem to be a bother anymore. I had this habit after the initial first couple days to replace H with Bs when I wrote. That honestly terrified me. I had a CAT scan, blood work and the whole nine yards of tests conducted and all came back normal. Now I’m glad I opted to get the maximum health insurance coverage offered by my job. Money well spent for the level of care I received indeed.

I can safely say I could put my entire car accident behind me now. My friends and co-workers have been telling me to not think to much about it or watch the video saved on my dash cam. I’ll take their advice. Worst thing I can do is cause more anxiety after being too curious. What’s that saying? Curiosity killed the cat.

Life catches up to you. Same days I felt literally untouchable and invincible. Now, I know I was very wrong and naive. I’m quite vulnerable and my ability to walk away from the crash all but says I’m very lucky and fortunate. The winter blues have left now. Seems I have a new perspective on life, living, and the sometimes chaotic journey I have myself wrapped in. So many friends reached out to ask if I was alright. I feel forever thankful so many care about me.

It’s the theme this month isn’t it? I already bought a new car and am just waiting for the phone call to go pick it up from the dealership. I got it for a steal and all things considered leading up to now, I’ve been told by my best friends not many people have the ability to find themselves in a new car so soon.

I couldn’t have imagined this month to be so wild and quite frankly, how could I? I’ve always thought myself to be a optimist and searching for the silver lining is more important than dwelling on all the negatives. Life — it happens. I’m just here taking it all in and hoping to find myself in a better place than the year before. Everyday is unpredictable, but that’s what makes it worth pursuing.

By some clever accounting, I actually made a lot of money from this entire ordeal. What a crazy miracle. Even when life takes a hit to my head and suffering a mild concussion, I end up in the winner’s side — so to speak. I’ve never felt so alive or financially secure. I’ll take that as the invisible armor I have protecting me at all times.

I didn’t want to go just yet. I’m not done and perhaps may never will be. The pursuit of life is still in full force and with greater intensity. My spiritual side would say I’m protected and guided by angels and past love ones. This could have been much worse and walking away from the wreck speaks volumes.

I recall forcing my door open, walking up to the front of my car, and inspecting the damage. I very nonchalantly asked the officer for a ride home, which only seemed to puzzle and confuse him. Everything else after is all dark and not saved in my memories. That I’m fine with. I don’t need to know everything or figure out the missing few hours from that night. Knowing all the events isn’t important. Knowing I’m well, alive, and safe is.

2020 is right around the corner. I’ve said this countless times, but the only direction life can take me is up — onwards, yet forward. You live to learn, to experience, to feel, to love, and to care. I’m unstoppable and will never be static. That I’m sure of.

Later world.

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When Life Brings You Down

Evidently, today was terrible. We have one annoying ass co-worker who likes to make their presence known — a commotion if you will. My thoughts are usually this: loudest one in the room is secretly the most insecure. I can’t be be the only person in the office who thinks this way. As busy as we all were frantically trying to get through this week, some people just a cause problem merely by existing. How exhausting.

I’m usually one to not cause a scene. My line of work is centered around my shiny MacBook and a pile of disorganized papers, printouts, and spreadsheets. It’s a chaos I find myself in everyday mixed in with the yawns of an early 8 AM arrival. For everyone else, we open at 9. Fuck me for being such an overachiever. I’m busy. Shut the fuck up.

Office work for me is much a realm of escapism. There’s a certain rush I get seeing sales come in. Downplaying my significance, it’s a game of numbers and I like it. Much like my stock portfolio I find myself checking through out the day, when the money comes in, it signals things are going well. I can’t say everything is perfect, but it’s a slow climb up to the top. I’m eagerly awaiting to launch our sister brand and really start to bring in the numbers. As they say, patience is a virtue.

If there’s any silver lining, I know today is just another in a long line of other terrible days. They’re dominos that topple over each other. The anticipation grows after the next until finally the last one falls.

The end is coming and soon my work will pay off. Later world.

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Top of the Wave

Summer is mere days away and this year has reached feverish highs. I’m in the process of finalizing the details for our new sister label and I’ll be at the helm as the owner and president. This is an incredible opportunity to the fix the mess I was presented since working at my current job and have it done exactly to my specifications. I feel blessed, worried, anxious, and a mild feeling of unease, but I’ll keep on pushing forward. I presented this idea to my boss about a year ago and for him and the owner of the company to instill their trust in me to get the ball rolling is a huge privilege.

I know there will be more hard and long days ahead of me, but if I remain focused on the goal, there’s nothing to prevent me from making it — so to speak. I was running the numbers through my head and this very well can be my ticket to owning my own home — sooner not later. I’ll never have to worry about looking for a job ever again, which is a load off my mind. I’ve had so many stints at various places in the past, the threat of not having a stable job has always lingered.

Everything I want is right in front of me. I just have to reach for it. Ride the wave and hope the top keeps coming.

Later world.

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Ups and Downs

There’s really never a dull moment throughout the week or month. Like today for instance. We fired two employees at our other office in Georgia — let’s just say they didn’t take it so well. We just opened up the office here too which means there isn’t much of a proper procedure for this type of situation. They left the office with a set of keys, computers with deleted files and passwords missing. What the fuck, right?

As the IT guy, this made my morning stressful and difficult. Being that I already had a laundry list of tasks to complete, their lack of decorum in taking the sudden notice of being unemployed didn’t sit too well with me. As I was frantically doing damage control once again, minutes felt like seconds, but just before lunch, the fire was put out — so to speak.

I’m still amazed some people go this far to sabotage our small operation, but people tend to surprise me all the time. I went for a walk to relieve any lingering stress and just clear my head. Work can be such a bitch — and that’s an understatement.

There’s bound to be more days just like this, but I wouldn’t expect anything less. If I think about it, I’m really not one to like having everything too easy. Without days like this and life’s ups and downs, I don’t think I’d ever appreciate those few short moments of clarity when the dust settles.

Later world.

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3/12: An Update

March is going well. The theme this month is: chill. Compared to the hell that was January and February, March feels like a walk in the park. It’s unusual how life can seem awful one month then have a complete reversal the next. I find it jarring, but welcomed.

Quitting my second job was the best thing I’ve done for myself. Was making more money worth it? Not really. At the cost of losing a lot of sleep and having a very terrible boss who didn’t take my word, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with those people anymore. I really hate having to convince anyone why I’m right. The act of hiring me for the position should be enough, but I’ve seen worse. Fuck them.

With free time now a thing, I still rather not sit and idle. I find the idea of watching TV a waste. Most programming seems like a mashup of ads and mindless action meant to distract. I much rather read or write. I recently bought a large moleskin notebook and a box of my favorite pens hoping it will kickstart ideas for some journal entries. Think of it a sketch pad for my less articulate ideas and thoughts. Why not?

I’m running at least twice a day now. Which is nice and exhausting. But satisfying. I want to cover ten miles a day either outside or indoors on a treadmill. It’s doable if I don’t end up with an injury or the weather being an absolute shit show. Having new proper running shoes helps. I swear it’s like running on a cloud. I dig it and my knees love not being sore.

Rather than buying lunch every day, I’m trying my hardest to prepare lunch at home. The effort is there and I’m hoping this continues well into the year. The area I work at doesn’t have the healthiest options available and the people there are sketchy as fuck. There’s that saying “you are what you eat” and it’s true. Part of me wishes I was still pescatarian, but there’s really no reason I can’t switch back. I should revisit this.

It’s only month 3, but I’m here making new goals as I go along. Think of it less like winging it, more like little adjustments along the way. I feel great, am well rested, and my mood is pretty high. I take life for all it allows and offers — sometimes by the bowl full.

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Feeling Like a Million

All Well That Ends Well

It’s been a long awful week and month, but the end is near. In the eyes of my co-workers, I might not be human. I suppose if you’re the only one who routinely goes to work an hour earlier than everyone that says something. Yeah, it’s, “I’m fucking busy everyone.” I run up and down the stairs about thirty times a day when some of my co-workers dread a single step. C’mon. It’s just stairs. Sales are way up since the beginning of the year, which is a huge relief to everyone at the office. Trump is working on a trade deal with China finally, which hopefully means no more bullshit tariffs to fuck us over. Good news is rarely heard, but so satisfying when you need it.

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This is not a miracle. I call it busting ass so my company doesn’t go bankrupt.

When Life Gets in the Way

When I’m heavily stressed, two things are apparent immediately: I look terrible and I have no appetite. Both of which, makes life difficult. My social life was next to nothing, but that’s usually the case if you’re pulling two jobs. The past month, I cancelled on one of my friends — twice. I felt awful about that and apologized repeatedly. I’m glad she’s so forgiving and understanding. As they say, third times the charm. Note to self: make this happen.

Buy Low Sell High

I tend to find some silver lining to every bad month or week. Good things do happen. It’s just when you’re so caught up in the bustle of life, you overlook at the little things. I reinvested more than one-third of my assets into the stock market, bought some mutual funds, and ETFs. All things considered, the major sell off experienced in the beginning of the year is over and there’s no better time to invest than now. You’re essentially buying securities on sale. The only direction the markets are headed now into the year is up. I also opened up a high interest savings account at 2.22% to park my money, which barely misses out on beating the annual inflation of 3%.

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My friends ask me for advice on investing occasionally. Although, they tell me they’re looking to get into it, I rarely believe them. The same goes for Bitcoin and cryptocurrencies. I teach them everything I know, but they don’t follow through. I don’t think they have the motivation to stash away most of their paycheck every month into something other than a checking account — low risk or not.

6 Months of Waiting

The other day, I went and got my teeth scanned at SmileDirectClub. They offer clear teeth aligners for a fraction of the price you would pay for with Invisalign. We’re talking about $2000 vs. $6000. It’s a stupidly huge difference in price. Funny thing is, my dental insurance covers 80% of the cost of Invisalign, but would mean I would have to wait til next year to get that done. Fuck that. A quick 20 minute scan and I saw all my teeth displayed on the monitor, which was pretty cool actually.

They mail you the aligners in a few weeks and you switch to the next one in the time stated. Truthfully, I’m hyped as fuck to get them in the mail and I can’t wait to check this off my list of goals. They throw in freebies like an at home teeth whitening kit. I gave it a try the other night and it was really fucking dramatic. I dig this and I’m usually not one to get too excited for anything.

In the End

Things are looking up. I’m two for two. Fix eyes: check. Fix teeth: check. My confidence is even higher than before. My mood is back to my chippy self. For that, I’m thankful, grateful, and hope this continues for the rest of the year.

I do me and don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks. Daniel is forever. Later world.