Thankfully (Not Yet)

Honestly, I needed to learn to be a bit more content with life. The lingering feeling of never having enough only makes life more depressing. I’m probably crazy — right? Last year was great and much was accomplished in the self-improvement realm and career wise. I feel so caught up in the fast lane, the days all feel like a never ending blur. It’s the long exposure that fails to fully capture the moment. The streaks of light from cars on the freeway in Downtown. I’m still and everyone is moving all around me like one of those cliche b-rolls on YouTube.

In the never ending expanse of life with limitless possibilities of where I can end up, is this not bothersome to think about? Live in the moment as some would say, but without the guiding light, you might spend all life wandering. Fuck that — however terrifying that can be.

I’ve changed my hair, my car, my attitude — but what next?

Later world.



Rules to Live By

  • Always tell truth. The truth is always better than a lie — even if it hurts the other person. Honest and sincerity is paramount.
  • Love all your friends and family, but expect them to fail you eventually. They are only human and humans make mistakes. It’s not a matter how, but when.
  • Anyone who has the capacity to think can do anything as long as they have: will, motivation, and determination.
  • Success does not come easy. If you give 100% and still fail, do not be discouraged. Try again.
  • The fact that we all will die eventually should be a driving motivator and force in our lives to do everything now and not later.
  • Money is difficult to obtain, but easy to spend. Live below your means and be weary of the lifestyle creep. Have a safety net for the future.
  • Most people seek out information to support their beliefs and reject information that opposes them. Look at both sides of the argument and draw your own conclusions.
  • If you have nothing good to say about someone, say nothing. Negative comments make you no better than the person you’re addressing.
  • You will have bad days. It’s not a matter how, but when. How you handle them makes all the difference.
  • While money gives you security, never think it is the end all of everything. There is more to life than money. Build meaningful relationships, memories, and find happiness in others.
  • Assume everything you read or see on social media is complete bullshit.
  • Be thankful for what you do have and never feel bad for having less than others.
  • The first step to any problem is admitting you have a problem.
  • Religion does more harm than good. Live your life the way you see fit and don’t blindly follow any doctrine in hopes of a better afterlife.
  • There is likely no heaven or hell. The only thing you can be certain is that you exist now with limited time on Earth.
  • Find love and compassionship, but work on yourself. A partner will not fix all your problems.
  • Listen intently to those you care about and try not to forget a word. Digital distractions are everywhere in the modern world and only hinders relationships.
  • Self-reflection is important. Knowing where you are now and how you reached this point is less important than the ending. Stay grounded and remember the journey.
  • Don’t hold back. You will regret every moment or action you wish you did, much less than what you did do.
  • Forgive others and don’t hold grudges. Humans make mistakes and resentment is a gateway to anger and hostility.
  • There will be two constants to every day: the sun will always rise in the morning and set in the evening. Find tranquility in the natural beauty around you.
  • Stay loyal to your partner or significant other. Never cheat or walk the road to infidelity. Forgoing someone’s trust is inexcusable.
  • Stop to smell the roses. You will be too caught up in life some times and lose sense of what is important.
  • Don’t just “sleep on it” or try to forget what bothers you. By having the capacity to think, addressing intrusive thoughts will lead to long-term solace and feeling content.
  • Happiness is illusive. Do what makes you happy so long as you’re not hurting yourself or others.
  • Dark days are on the horizon. Don’t feel hopeless even in the hardest of times. Things will and do get better.
  • We are all creatures of this Earth and you should never feel you’re better than the next person over.
  • Show and give everyone respect.
  • You will fuck up. Own up to your mistakes and apologize with sincerity.
  • Anyone who doesn’t give you their time is undeserving of yours.
  • Have plan B or C. The likelihood of succeeding the first time is never 100%.
  • There are too many events out of your control. Move forward and worry about yourself. Your own happiness should take priority.

Later world.


La La Land

“I am very moved by the idea that you can meet someone in your life who transforms you and sets you onto a path that is going to finally enable you to be the person you dreamed of being, but ultimately, you need to go on that path alone”, says Chazelle. “You can have a union that winds up dictating the rest of your life but doesn’t last the rest of your life. I found that incredibly beautiful and heartbreaking and wondrous. At its soul, I want that movie to be about that.”



While navigating their careers in Los Angeles, a pianist and an actress fall in love while attempting to reconcile their aspirations for the future.

One of the best movies I’ve seen in recent years is “La La Land” directed by Damien Chazelle. In it, Mia — a struggling actress meets Sebastian — a struggling jazz musician, as they grapple with reaching their dreams. Mia and Sebastian, are at odds with their two selves, the actor and musician who must make sacrifices in their relationship to find what they long in life. Mia’s first stage play is a disaster, but Sebastian urges her to follow her dreams and not let this setback sway her from continuing forward. Sebastian finds success in a new pop-oriented jazz band, but must give up his roots — classic jazz vs. post modernist — and in the process, missed Mia’s first stage performance.

Mia and Sebastian go their separate ways, but years later, find the success they dreamed for while they met. Their lives intersect again one evening. Mia — now a famous Hollywood actress married to another man, unknowingly goes to Sebastian’s jazz club. She sits in the audience and Sebastian sees her from the stage. They share a moment and the movie cuts to a montage of the life they could of had if they were still together. It’s bittersweet and subverts your expectations of the traditional feel-good Hollywood ending. It’s anti-Disney live happily-ever after. I loved it.

Love vs. Your Dreams

At one point, Mia and Sebastian live together — in love. Ultimately, they separate knowing they will never reach their dreams if they are together. They are motivated by themselves to push forward and travel the journey of life alone without their partner. It’s the reality of being in a relationship, it ties you down. Commitments now impact your ability to find personal fulfillment later on. Do you chose love or yourself? Love blinds you, but taking the road less traveled, must be by yourself. Never give up on your own dreams for others and you may have to leave the person you love to reach it. It’s ultimately what you want that makes the most significant impact in your life and the need for fulfillment. Sacrifices need to be made.

Duality of Self

In the opening scene, Sebastian is seen in the reflection of his rear view mirror. Mia is seen playing a role for a movie as she is stuck in traffic. She has many selves — the movie roles she portrays. You see them day-dream — an allusion to the city of Los Angeles — also called La La land.

To Be Selfish

Both characters move on with their partners in pursuit of their dreams. For Mia, its a successful movie actress, while Sebastian wishes to open a classic jazz bar. They must forgo their own love for each other and the relationship they once shared. Sebastian in one scene realizes he will not be present in Mia’s show in order to meet the needs of his jazz group and the pressures his new found fame brings. They put themselves first, yet are aware of the strain it puts on their relationship.

Love is One Of Many

La La Land’s ending shows that Mia and Sebastian’s love is another step in the ladder. While at one point they are in love, they do not end up together. Love is dynamic and used as a motivator for each character. Mia is motivated to continue being an actress by Sebastian, while Mia tells Sebastian is losing himself being in a band he does not like. They help each other and support their dreams. While their relationship does not develop further, they use it to better themselves. It’s a learning process whether or not they’ve broken up. In that regard, there is really no end, but it where it sends them.

Personally, I can relate to this a great deal. My last girl friend motivated me to be more ambitious and even landed my first job because of her. I learned to cook due to her insistence and I love making new dishes to this day. My girl friend before her, told me to not give up and keep trying even in hard times. I would not have known I did not have my life together if it weren’t for her. Subsequently, I got the best grades of my life after her and I don’t call that coincidence. Everyone you’re with supports you and is another lesson in life. The relationship may be gone, but new habits develop and remain. I am who I am now because of my “failed” relationships.


poetry Uncategorized


To all my beloved friends,

I’m sorry for everything and letting it come to this. I need time alone away from you all.

“I’d walk away from it all before I let it get any further.”

With love,

– Danny

Give a few bottles of wine

A 40 oz or two

Hand me a coffin nail

A pack will do

Toss me a bar

Not a hammer for my chains

There’s terror in my eyes

And sadness in theirs

Coldness falls

Somber nights in winter ides

Your hands tremble but mines the same

This is it for you and I

Live in reality and dream for an escape

Falling in the rabbit hole and tumbling

There is not a word to describe my pain

Look from afar and chase while you run

I’m not looking for the exit

The nightmares just begun

Winter nights of coldest days

Where oh where is the light

The windows close and the door is shut

I’m traveling for one til the end of time