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Uncertainy (Now / Later)

Let’s face it — the economy is fucked. I’ve filed for unemployment for the first time which isn’t the end of the world. I’m getting the max amount every week and the extra funds almost make up for my missed hours. Frankly, I should feel a bit more fortunate given the panicked circumstances.

Just earlier I realized I filed my taxes wrong. I let out a soft but slightly worried “fuck” before hopping on my computer to quickly collect all the missing information. This year, I owed money again, but thankfully, not a terrible sum. I paid the ever so loved IRS and now how to plan a trip outside to the post office. Yikes.

I’ve gotten use to the social distancing and long hours of nothingness. I don’t like it the least bit but the safest thing anyone can do is to stay put. Financially, I’m still on top of the world. I’m come to realize I’m not buying a home in 2022 as originally planned. It sucks immensely, but aggressive deadlines and goals tend to do that.

Mentally, I’ve felt better and had more cheerful thoughts. The idea this could go on all year bothers me. The news everywhere bothers me. Stupid ignorant people who don’t understand the pandemic bother me.

I get it. When in times of distress, a certain subset of the population will do stupid shit. Honestly, people with a collective IQ in the lower percentile can’t be helped. You just have to hope and pray they don’t do too much damage and poison the minds of others. My mother believes the coronavirus was manufacturered by the US to specifically target China and disrupt their economy.

Clearly, she doesn’t understand world affairs. I digress. Tomorrow is Friday — once longed for but now just a name to track the week. Note to self: hang in there. Later world.

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It All Ends Well

Not a lot went well this month. Between my court case, lack of healthy habits, being stressed out over work and feeling a bit lost, life is kicking my ass. And hard. I guess you can say it’s been a perfect storm. Plans fell through and I was powerless to stop it. My appetite is practically nonexistent which raises a lot of concern. I’ve never been too good at eating, which puzzles some of my friends. I routinely fall asleep before 9PM and wake up around 4AM. I’d like to get a few more hours in, but the mind is busy and turning it off isn’t an option. Safe to say I feel a little overwhelmed and I don’t expect anyone I’m close to to understand where I’m coming from. I’m different. Story of my life.

I’ve wondered how other people deal with life. Do they watch TV? Play video games? None of which I like to do. I think spending all my time reading seems like a better idea, but we can agree to disagree. I don’t know what to the fuck to do in my leisure time. Perhaps that’s something I need to work on. I like to think I’m mindful of everything around me and how I’m feeling. To be in tuned with a frequency if you will. Seems like recently, all I’m hearing is static and noise. What a bitch.

My friends mean well. They’re all great and have my best interests in mind. Even with that, I don’t think they know what am going through and will jump the gun in trying to cheer me up. Does anyone really get you in life? Who knows. I don’t feel alright and this seems all too common. For the time being, as my former self would say, time to dip out. My more eloquent side would say so long, farewell, and until next time.

Later world.