Apartment Hunting

You would think the current state of affairs in the US would make me think twice about moving, but I’m fairly determined to follow through with my plans. Finding a suitable apartment is difficult — and that’s putting it mildly. My friends either just rent out a room for themselves or have been living together — all of which makes paying rent easier. I, however, want an apartment all to myself. I can’t say I want anything grand or opulent. I’ve largely condensed down my possessions to the essentials and free of any clutter. Small and cozy is the word.

My friends say I’m too picky, which is almost certainly true. I’ve had a list of things I deemed necessary saved onto my Amazon this year, mostly just furniture. I’m obsessive about esthetics and the way things look making this move exciting. How else would you make a home uniquely yours? I set myself a decent budget and everything from my perspective will go nicely together. I’m so fond of the mid-century modern look since I’ve got hooked on watching Mad Men, I have to have a similar style. Maybe not a mini bar however. I have several authentic prints hand signed by Andy Warhol I’ve been keeping in storage that I’ve been dying to put up on display. American values are materialistic, but I sometimes find myself caring too much about what I have and wanting more.

My criteria is limiting. Location must be close to other shops, quiet, walkable, and somewhere where the the crime isn’t an issue. I’ve been asked why not move somewhere in Downtown, but I really hate the traffic and constant unease a life in the city brings.

2020 feels like the entire world is burning to ashes, but it hasn’t stopped me yet. Life goes on and while everything around me is chaotic, it shouldn’t deter you from your goals. Let’s hope everyone feels the same way.

Later world.


Bills, Bills, Bills

Independence is kinda expensive. I’ve been planning the big move and now I’ve decided on buying a new car, a Volkswagen Golf GTI. Fuck me right? My two seater convertible is about as practical as a go cart used only to pickup groceries. In hindsight, practically should have been thought about. That’s life for you. Given no debt by the end of the year, my costs would break down as follows (partially):

  • Rent: $1375/month for a studio apartment
  • Initial Deposit: $1375 OAC
  • Cost of Furniture: $1000 (sofa, bed, TV, desk, side table, etc.)
  • Car Payment: $350/month for 36 months
  • Car Insurance: $125/month
  • Cell Phone: $45/month
  • Internet: $35/month

I would need almost $4k just to move out and live comfortably, including about twice a years worth of rent as a buffer / safety net for any unfortunate circumstances. Cost of furniture could be cut down substantially if I bought most of the necessities second hand, but this is a worst case scenario. My friends even agreed to pay me back the $2K I lent them, which is helpful.

I call this a small price to pay for independence. Does it deter me? Not really. Fight me world.



Growing Discontentment

discontentment: lack of satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation; lack of contentment.
a) a sense of grievance; dissatisfaction
the winter of our discontent —William Shakespeare
b) restless aspiration for improvement

I’ll call it byproduct of growing older, but nothing seems all that interesting — it’s a little disheartening. I should be excited about life, but I’m not. Discontent. Has abstaining from drugs and alcohol devoid me of any excitement? Shit. Maybe. I’m about to make this company somewhere between 1-3 million dollars a year and I get 3% commission from all online sales. It’s safe to say I’m stuck here for the forseeable future as e-commerce director. Who would complain with sales projections that high? Nada.

I should be thrilled my paycheck is growing in the coming months, but I’m indifferent. Remember what Biggie said, “More money mo’ problems.” Amen to that. It’s true though. The more money you make, the more problems you face. Life is infinitely more complex when there’s more money in the picture. It can only make you so much happiness before it loses its touch. Money stopped making me happy years ago. Now it’s just that number in the five digit range listed under “Savings”. At this rate, I’ll have my own condo in Pasadena in no time. It would be really sexy to tell someone I’m seeing, “Yeah, I bought this place.” That’s the whole idea in a nutshell. Do well enough and show it to someone who may be the future spouse. It’s convoluted, but a man can only go so far with dates and gifts. You’ll need that final push to really win her over — if there is such a thing.

That’s exciting to think about, but with all goals, it’s a bitter sweet feeling. It’s exciting for the anticipation, but bitter sweet having it come to an end. All goals are within reach and if you obsess over them long enough, you’ll find some way to make them reality. It’s not everyday you wake up suddenly and want to buy a condo or a nicer car and as a millennial. Do what makes you happy and full of purpose. Without the motivating drive in life, what is there to living? Self-achievement can’t be overlooked and we must all have our own self-driven goals in mind. Love comes naturally, but determination is self-taught.

Just this week, I’m prepared to spend to the tune of $5000 on laser eye surgery. To be honest, I wanted this done since before high school but never had the means to — until now. I’ve been told by past girl friends I look much better without glasses and I would have to agree. Looks aside, it’s convenient not having to look for them blind as a bat every morning. Is this convenience worth five grand? Maybe, but it’s a special treat for myself. And a permanent one at that. It’s life changing and I can’t wait to get it done next month.

There’s the question about fixing my teeth. My dentist said they’re not even that bad and he assured me he’s seen some bad teeth in his day. All I need is a few cavities fixed, two wisdom teeth pulled, a bleaching, and I’m all set for Invisalign or SmileDirectClub. Once I get them in, in just 6 months of mild discomfort, my teeth will be perfectly straight. It’s shocking to see insurance cover all of this. Just incredible. This will make me vain, but I could care less about someone else’s opinion. I’ll soon fix what made me self-conscious and with that, I’ll become gain a bit more confidence in my appearance. Worst case scenario, I morph into a (bigger) asshole and have my ego take over, but I’ll have my friends to stop me.

I do splurge and on big purchases — and this is somewhat a problem. You inevitably make money to spend money. It’s the lifestyle creep that money brings. I would consider this my downfall — or something I need to work on. Priorities. Did I really need a new fully spec’d out MacBook Pro for work? Arguably, no. Windows is terrible. The keyboard given to me in the office is just awful and makes too many typos. My productivity is at an all time high now and no one can complain about that. Price for better productivity is just a cool $2100. Designer case not included.

The worst part of my week so far is forgetting I already bought new clothes that are on the way and I went and bought another set. Fuck. Me. Did I really need 3 new shirts from J. Crew? Hell no. Did I really need a Kenzo sweater and a Yohji Yamamoto t-shirt? Fuck. No. I can almost hear my friends now, “Must be good being that baller.” Say what they will, I’m trying hard to have a better life for myself. If they only knew how awful it was growing up as poor as my family did. If they only could see the terrible living situation I endured as a kid. I’m getting closer every year — or every day, but so is my discontentment. It’s growing and I hate how I can’t just be content with myself. I have all the fruits of my labor and it’s all within reach. It’s a terrible feeling to know how fortunate you have it, but not feel satisfied. Perhaps there’s more to it and the void is sucking me in closer than I realize.

Later world.