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Reconnecting: Part 3

Anyone have that friend that you wish you saw more of? Last night was a good night and I wish it wasn’t such a rare occurrence. She’s one of the few people I’d go to the ends of the Earth for and I mean it with all sincerity.

Honestly, I love the beginning of this month already. Fight me world.

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Admit 1

In just a few short days, I’ll be on a plane to fly myself to Maryland — all to visit my best friend in DC. I’m excited, relieved, yet anxious. I think anyone flying solo would have those feelings swirling in you in the days prior. I usually only travel to see friends and this time is no different. If the weather forecast is accurate, I’ll be met with heavy rain and thunderstorms. Normally, this might temper the experience of a trip, but the goal is always to spend time with them — the city is just a cherry on top.

This month has been interesting to say the least. Just a few weeks prior, I had two surprise medical bills in the upper three digits. Fun fact: I’m at risk for glaucoma. Like I needed a legitimate reason to start smoking weed. Ha. A large portion of my income is from commission and bonuses. I managed to beat the previous sales goal I set for myself with much fanfare from my boss. I respect him for instilling his trust in me so confidently. Subsequently, I’ll make twice as much as I made my last paycheck and will be on track to double that for the next one.

Just being honest, the money doesn’t excite me anymore. I’ll pay off my student loans a little quicker and breathe a sigh of relief I’m one of the fortunate ones. My friend use to give me shit for saying I had the means to go anywhere and do anything, but had myself firmly planted in the Valley. Well, this is me telling you how much our friendship means to me.

What is life?

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Friends Know Best

My core group of friends mean well. We all have our own personalities that make us unique. We’ve known each other for so long they’re family in my eyes. Some say your blood family is where it really matters, but I would argue mines hasn’t live up to the title. What good does blood do if you’re losing out on life with them. I’ve gotten into heated arguments with a majority of my family over the years and it hasn’t gotten much better no matter how hard I tried to make amends. If you have to try to like them, there likely is a bigger problem on your hands. They are terrible people and not worth your time.

Liking and loving someone comes naturally. Like the seasons that change every quarter or the small amounts of rain Los Angeles drizzles occasionally, mother nature runs its course without your control. I knew for a while now that my friends, even though we won’t agree on every topic or issue, they are truly looking out for me. I’ve felt I have let them down numerous times before through my sheer drunken stupor or rage induced nights. Yet, in the end, all is forgiven. They’ve been been part of my life for so long, I honestly could not see them not being there with me when we’re old, wrinkly, and have kids.

My kid is going to have some very interesting uncles to look up to. Until that day comes, I’d go to the ends of the Earth for each one of them. I’d catch them when they fall because I know they’d do the same for me.

Life is less scary knowing I always have them around.

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To Unfriend and Unfollow

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When you’re younger, you generally want to be be “friends” with everyone and with as many people as possible. You’ll add anyone on social media — friends and acquaintances alike. Bonds are usually very weak and you normally wouldn’t meet up with most of them — let alone wave to them in public. It’s a weird dynamic. To follow what they’re doing online, but never actually see them in person.

My friends list in the 12 years I’ve been on Facebook has varied wildly. At one point, I had over one thousand of my not so closest friends all linked up and followed. It was all for the soul purpose of not missing out on anything such as trips to the club, parties, ragers, kickbacks, etc. It worked well for that purpose, but if I’ll be honest and blunt, I couldn’t care less about everyone on there. It hit me one day. These people don’t care about me and I don’t care about them. Why am so preoccupied with what they’re doing? How weird. Even more troubling, you tend to feel just as lonely regardless of how many people you befriended or followed.

I feel it’s a false sense of popularity in some regards. Who cares how many friends and followers I have online. Real world is much more important. Having that one friend come to your rescue when you have a flat one the freeway at 12 in the morning beats out a thousand faces in the feed.

Later world.

 

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Falling From Grace

For several years, I witnessed your fall from grace. A lesion of the mind and clouded judgement. In all the chaos, I feel as if you think you’re more than human. As if you don’t realize your true vulnerability. I’ve seen you stumble, mope around, teeter on the brink of death, and yet, you don’t see the light. I call it luck. You see it differently. Of the times you were depressed, I went against my better judgement and let it continue. I fed you poison, the easy fix, a pill to make it all go away. Had I seen how you are now, I would have never let you have them, but I did. That’s on me.

I’ve seen you at the bottom. Completely unrecognizable and incomprehensible. It was glimpse into your true self. Not a mask, not an illusion, just unfiltered you. I can’t say I was too surprised. We all suspected it for so long. You felt relief and we lingered to help. But it was just that — a one time deal. Lives carry on and we haven’t address the bigger issue you’re facing. It’s funny. I’ve been open, but you have yet to do the same. I don’t blame you. Not everyone is ready to let others in.

I had my brushes with death and so have you. We have that going for us. We’re alive for now. I truthfully felt I was no better off than you were, but it’s taken a turn for the worst. I found the light and I’m keeping it open for you.