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You Annoy Me

As my philosophy professor once told me, your friends — no matter how close or cherished, eventually, they will let you down. That is inevitable, which is unfortunate. It’s a fact of life I’ve seen more and more. While you can’t fault them for merely being human, their actions or inaction says volumes.

I have one friend who spends all his time smoking cigarettes, marijuana and doing large amounts of cocaine every passing day. I’ve come to realize he’s far from ever being saved and that his path in life has already been written — one I dare not wish to venture in.

On numerous times, I’ve seen him slowly do more and more without any regard for his well-being or health. As you wished, then so be it. A life of drug addiction is one of pain and endless consumption. I’ve confronted him about it time and time again, but I’m met with various excuses and explainations teetering on absurd to flat out denials. I don’t consider his habits careful experimentation so many others have experienced with illicit substances. To give him the benefit of the doubt would be lies and turning a blind eye.

Drugs quickly go empty and so does their money. I’m always bothered by hearing people who parttake in this lifestyle complain and rant about not having a dollar to their name. It’s pathetic and only exacerbates the underlying problem more. Give me a break. You can always make back the money lost, but your health may never recover even with all the money in the world and the finest doctors to keep you conscious.

It’s only natural I find myself a bit jaded and skeptical of others. When I have someone in my circle of friends tell me about some goal they’ve set for themselves, I almost always never believe it — especially with ones requiring money. Buy this, buy that, or I’ll own it in the future. It’s all talk and I’m aware of all the other times their words fell short. Don’t get me wrong — everyone should set their own goals. If you have a history of not following through, I don’t believe it — not even a single word.

It’s one of those reasons why when someone says they’ll repay me for lunch or some other transaction involving money I’m met with skepticism. One time, I was told it wasn’t a big amount relative to my own income and therefore wasn’t an issue. They disappoint me or rather, irritate me to no end.

What’s the moral of this long winded rant? People let me down and will continue to do so. Their inability to advance in life is their own doing and any problems they face with not being able to sustain themselves is the result of their own doing. Others may view me differently and call my perspective unusual, but until we can finally meet at eye level, I’ll remain hesitant to assist in their times of dire need.

Later world.

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Everyone Lies

My best friend is full of shit. It’s sad to admit it’s come to this, but his rampant drug use has left him as a shadow of his former self. You’d think after the weekly cocaine binges the past couple of years he’d stop and have a reality check, but that’s wishful thinking.

The other night he admits he’s here to just have a good time and could care less about how long he lives. I went at him with the cold blunt truth and tried to set the record straight. I’m sure nothing I said made it through to him. It never has.

I’m not here to save him. He’s lazy, unmotivated, down on life, and depressed. I have no time for people who can’t help themselves and mope around hoping the world will throw them a bone. Somehow he’s willing to blame everything except himself. I believe everyone is in control of their lives and every action lead them up to this point.

If you’re not where you want to be, blame yourself. Take back what’s yours.

Later world.

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I’m Too Honest

I’ve been “hanging out” with this one girl — whatever that means these days. We’ve maybe had around 4 meet ups around my area, which is great and all if it weren’t for the fact she admitted she had been lying this whole time. It’s just little things here and there as she explained, but why even bother admitting it? Does it not cross their mind how upsetting that would be? If you can’t be honest with me, don’t bother being a “friend”. I absolutely cannot stand dishonesty.

I perhaps could see it from her perspective. Some people are more sensitive about what they tell you and may bend the truth to fit their narrative. Maybe they’re self-conscious about certain topics and not ready to tell you everything. Maybe they’re too preoccupied about what I think of them and a few lies slip in.

Ha. No. It’s hard to defend dishonesty when you’re on the receiving end. Just tell me you don’t want to talk about it and I’ll switch the subject. It’s really that easy. It’s a shame. Now that’s one less person in my world.

Naturally, I stopped talking to her, but then came the barrage of texts and calls. Just fucking stop, please. If she wanted to make the situation any worse, that’s how you’d do it. You can’t save this or make it any better. I’ve never felt the need to tell someone “I’m going to block you” until now. So I did. Two mouse clicks later and a few taps on the phone came sweet silence. You can be 100% honest with someone, yet they can’t do the same for you. Say it ain’t so.

Later world.