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Closing Out the Week

Honestly, it’s been such a great week. I had the most incredible date the other night and I’m surprised she was having as much fun as me. Long and deep conversations flowed naturally and it never felt like we had run out of topics to discuss. For all the troubles this year brought, I felt relieved, delighted and joyful there felt like normalcy for those few hours.

The restaurant was fantastic, the food was perfect, and the few glasses of wine kept the mood loose and relaxing. The night was delightful.

Life is good and perhaps that’s an understatement.

Later world.

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(Not) What She Wants to Hear

Evidently, telling someone you’re seeing the truth doesn’t end well. The conversation about commitment got thrown around yesterday and my response wasn’t exactly what she was looking for. Does that make me a bad person? No way. You shouldn’t lie nor tell her what she wants to hear all the time. Sincerity is important and without it, the relationship is built on falsehoods.

This year being 2020 only leaves me with two years to come up with the money to buy this house or condo. It’s by far the most ambitious goal I’ve set for myself and I’m slowly inching my way up towards it. I find myself obsessing over all the details and numbers needed to come up with a six figure bank account. It’s worth it. Right?

Don’t get me wrong. As my friends have made it abundantly clear, being single isn’t the end of the world. If this year is like last year, finding dates won’t be an issue. Discovering that person who can keep the conversation interesting over dinner will be. Engage me, please. It’s weird, but once the lady in front of me utters the three words, “I like you”, I’m suddenly confused and the interest dwindles. Is this is a problem? Yeah, definitely. Why so soon? Why so fast? What is it you see in me? Surface level details are just superficial. Shouldn’t there be more weight to those words?

It a predicament nonetheless. Relationships are complex and while the thought of calling it official with someone is attractive, I honestly can’t see myself giving her the time and attention she wants. You shouldn’t half ass it. You shouldn’t love knowing you can’t be committed. You shouldn’t mislead knowing you don’t feel as strongly.

Flying solo isn’t that bad. Loving for the wrong reasons are. Later world.

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Where Are We

It’s September — which seems kind of sudden. Overall, I feel like the year has been a mixed bag of ups and downs, sprinkled with a bit of emotional drama. The beginning of this year felt like eons ago and I was preoccupied with taking the woman that hit my car to court. It seems almost petty now that I look back at it. I realized there was likely no way someone without insurance was going to pay for the cost of my repairs. People like her suck immensely. Fuck it, right?

I had a second job which felt good to say, but in practice took a mental and physical toll. Extra income was great, but not at the cost I endured. Some lessons must be learned the difficult way and this one rocked my world, while making the days feel like an eternity. It’s true what they say, all work and no play is a recipe for disaster.

There’s always some silver linings to most hardships. Had I not felt the sting of life, I’d probably risk feeling let down again and again later down the line. Bad days are few and many, but it passes — eventually. I don’t feel bad about not having the extra money I somewhat needed. I feel for the people that suddenly left my world. The often swift and rarely seen. Often it’s the ones we wish we were closer that could be around, but the forces of the world act as repellent.

I’ve said this many times, but people come and go — not always, but eventually. It’s the inevitable much like the moon in the night sky piercing through the clouds. It’s a play of both parties that set in motion the words that would eventually separate two people. It’s a long and drawn out process. You hate to see it happen, but you find yourself latched on to the past. Memories after all can be shackles that prevent you from moving forward. This is the end for you and me — but I’m glad there was never we.

In defense of optimism, there were times life felt like I was on the highest mountain peaks. I hit it off — so it seemed at the time, with a random stranger I was eyeing at a party. The interaction was short lived, but the moment felt forever. I could not have hoped for it to have been more than what it is — a chance encounter. It’s another one of those memories that bring a slight smile to the face and corners of my mouth.

Dating is still fun and it brings a lot of excitement. I’m someone who feels strongly for another that can freely tell me all and everything about themselves — good or bad. You can say it’s something of a weakness. It’s a spell in many ways only I’m too disillusioned to see all the glaring flaws in front of me. I really need to get better at this. See them for they are and who you want them to be. Project nothing and remain seated for the often lackluster show.

Personally, I’ve done well for myself this year. Debt is at an all time low and I’m on track to have more than I could of imagined those first few years just finding myself in the real world. Hooray? The numbers grow higher, but the discontentment increases. I’m a contradiction in that sense. Work to be paid, yet have all it stashed away somewhere to not be enjoyed.

Where we in 2019? Your guess is as good as mine.

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Brunch 6/30/2019

The food was excellent. Wine was most necessary.

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06/14/2019 @ 7PM

Rooftop dining is great when the night is warm. Two glasses of wine in, I felt hot. Go figure.

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Thanks. But No Thanks.

I recently have been talking to this one lady — she likes me. Hooray? Now normally, the thought of having someone like me sends a lot of conflicting thoughts. Why does she like me? Where does this go? What are her motives? I don’t jump in with open arms since it’s not a priority of mine to have a relationship.

My male friends hate this about me. The argument is usually, “You’ve been single for X amount of years. Why not?” True. But I find being with someone a lot of work. Shit literally ties you down and there’s a lot of effort needed — none of which allures me at this point of my life.

Other goals take precedence. I much rather go full force with my career and find the means to buy my own place and be completely independent for myself. That in of itself sounds impressive, whenever it does happen. Getting tied down more or less keeps those goals in the backseat.

I think most relationships are dependent on the other person for much of the duration. It could be as simple as getting a ride, emotional support, a phone call, or the occasional venting out of frustrations. It doesn’t allure me. I don’t like supporting someone. It’s a rarity to meet someone who is completely capable of fending for themselves without a few strings attached. For now, I’ll have to tell her thanks, but no thanks.

No hard feelings, darling? Later world.

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I Politely Declined

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The Dating Game

TDG.jpeg

There’s a show from the 60s and 70s that involved contestants answering questions in hopes of being picked on a date with the woman they’re responding to. The show’s premise is simple. Have her sit on one side of the wall, away from being seen as the men on the other side try to be smooth with their responses. It’s fun, a bit comical, and condenses complex cues and non-verbal behaviors for the sake of entertainment. It is indeed, a game of love — if you can call finding love through television appropriate. I love it.

Dating in the modern era is met with a few challenges. Hook up culture is everywhere and I feel most women I’ve met or interacted with have an unhealthy obsession with social media. There’s a need to show off to hundreds of your not so closest friends just where you’re eating, what you’re eating, and where the night takes you. It’s odd, very disconnecting to the other party, and feels off. Everyone wants to connect at any level, which means honesty hangs on a thin line. It’s disastrous and a let down come the third or fourth date.

I’m sure everyone who puts himself out there has few weird vibes about the person they’re seeing. I’d ask my male friends, but their opinions are skewed towards the typical male perspective.

“Bruh. But did you smash?”

I get nowhere with them, but luckily I’m close to a few other women whom I’ve known for several years. I tend to ask for their opinion above all and if they’re inclined to tell me to make a run for it, I’d do it. I’m thankful they’re looking out. All things considered, when you find yourself thrust into the rose colored world of love and feelings, you tend to overlook the obvious and down right ‘no’. I’ve avoided a few downward spirals and relationships built on falsehoods because of them. To say I’m lucky is an understatement.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. But maybe third times the charm? Later world.

 

 

 

 

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Looking for Love

I don’t go looking for love. No Tinder. No Plenty of Fish. No OK Cupid. None of that shit. It makes little sense to use dating apps considering they likely attract a different crowd — the one I’m not interested in. College years were more about hooking up and not so much about meaningful relationships. I hope anyone can see the difference or at least grow out of the hook up culture. What guys talk about behind close doors is a whole separate issue all together. I think what my co-worker in Texas said to his wife sums it up best, “Men are dogs. Just look for a good dog.” How moving.

Everyone I’ve dated or have been with were chance encounters. Looking back, all my relationships weren’t from any mutual friends. It’s interesting to think about. One day, we met randomly, started talking, and then a relationship happened — just like that. I hear a lot of people get introduced to their future love interest, but that seems so awkward to think about.

I’ve been told, “Daniel, you need to put yourself out there!” And then there’s, “How is it you’re single?!” All of which was from co-workers. My usual response is that I’m not really trying. I can’t fathom being in a relationship when I’m not done working on myself. It jeopardizes my own self-development. Odds are, you get too comfortable once you’re with someone and run the risk of being stagnant. I’m not looking to be a serial dater or go out of my way to find “the one”. Life isn’t some Hollywood romance with happily ever after the end. I’ll let love find me — naturally.

Later world.

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Oops Didn’t Mean To

Last night, after some fumbling to look for my phone behind the car seat, I managed to accidentally call one of my friends — a girl I dated last year. We’re talking about 4 months ago. Dread came over me as I saw the call connect and heard a familiar hello on the other end. I generally believe hanging up abruptly on someone is a bit rude. Considering the circumstances, I answered back.

Normally, I rarely use my phone to talk. It’s a bit ironic considering it’s original purpose. It’s usually the case now with everyone’s preference for text messaging. Even though its wide use, I don’t like texting. I have a hard time getting my point across usually, much less follow the conversation. I asked myself, “She picked up. What’s the worst that can happen?”

There was a fair bit of small talk to break the ice, but that’s to be expected. We caught up with each other’s lives. Last I saw her, I had steak nachos and she ordered macaroni and cheese. Much to her surprise, my memory is that good. She had a bit of fun quizzing me on what we did and what she wore. I was three for three. I think if you’re going to spend time with someone just the two of you, you ought to remember as much as you can. Seems only the polite thing to do. Everyone deserves full undivided attention free of all digital annoyances.

I’m surprised. I thought she’d be a little irritated to hear from me seeing as how long it’s been. I’ve been wrong before, but this call was welcomed. Just like that, we reconnected. Why can’t it always be this simple?

I call this a “happy accident”. Almost made my night. If there wasn’t some 40 miles of distance to travel, we’d might just hang again.

Later world.