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Distances Among and Far

I’m growing further away from some friends and closer to others. Somehow, life has a tendency to make that apparent. Hobbies change, social lives differ, and above all, people change. We are powerless to stop it. It is the sea that drifts further outward into the ocean. The tides can only take some much.

What this year of a mess has taught me is perspective. Fending for yourself while forgoing others who bring you down doesn’t make you selfish. It’s the reality of knowing right from wrong, truth from lies, and to grow old is let go — apart. Live now and focus.

Times feel so different than they did the years before. I’ve changed and yet some of my friends haven’t. I’m not one to judge, but we can’t all keep on the same lonely path and the road less traveled.

Who am I? I’m still wondering every day if my priories matter more than they did before. I want more, there’s infinite ways to get there, and I’m the lone wolf fending off criticism.

Later world.

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T-minus 1 Month

Next month, it’s my birthday. Hooray? I’ve always found it weird we celebrate getting one year older as we slowly inch closer to old age. Hell, I’m still young as a baby in some people’s eyes. To get old is to be wiser, yet long for days long gone.

Tragic, yet, moving. Nonetheless, I was asked if I was going to get hammered on my birthday. I uttered a resounding, but firm — no. I’ve long passed by those foolish years of outraged and wild partying, so much so I couldn’t imagine doing it now.

Fun fact: I’ve largely believed I was invincible up until the end of last year and the first quarter of 2020. I’m imperfect teetering on grandiose that my own near bouts of death hadn’t shaken my superhuman complex.

This year, I found out I’m quite vulnerable. Injuries don’t require the painful but darkened bruises and trips to the hospital are always urgent and unwelcomed.

Hell, getting old and someday dying isn’t the part that scares me. Not being able to do everything I have planned does and frequently keeps me up at night. I don’t need infinite time on Earth, just better plans and ways to reach them. It’s the enigma that causes minds to wander into confusion as answers remain vague.

This year gave me too much to think about. I’ve dreaded being home indoors all this time and somehow, I was wrong.

What’s that stupid saying? Keep calm. Carry on. Later world.

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Being Political: Biden Still Sucks

Fun fact: I really think Joe Biden sucks, but that doesn’t mean I support Trump. We have a guy well past his prime and can barely string along sentences going against Trump — someone who talks for hours without a hitch. Am I the only one who sees the monumental challenge the Democrats are going to face?

It’s an uphill battle and I’m not confident the debates will end well with Biden. Move past the easy questions and obviously scripted responses and you have a campaign that’s very disliked on social media without a clear attack plan. Biden looks his age and he sure acts like an old fool even in heated responses. Anger does not equal passion.

That’s not to say Biden being angry is even a good method to rally voters. He’s offended the African American community and acts with less poise than Trump when he’s on a roll. I can’t find any reason why he was chosen as the front runner other than he spent eight years as VP with Obama. This was what his campaign early on heavily emphasized.

Honestly, he sucks and I’m not going to be shocked when we have another four years of Trump. Blame the Democrats for propping up a weak candidate again when there were obviously better choices.

So God help us all.

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Stocks Are Way Down

Interesting week I’m having. Stocks are down day after day and there’s no end in sight. It’s expected with the crazy rally the tech sector had the previous months leading into September. I did the smart thing and sold off everything that was up too fast. Emphasis on too fast.

My winners this year are: Square, Virgin Galactic, Tesla, Apple, and a few pharmaceutical companies I had no interest in other than they were super cheap. If you’re up over 100% on an investment in a recession, sell and get out if you haven’t already done so.

What goes up must go down and hard. Currently, all markets are in a bloodbath and anyone willing to invest should do so cautiously. Don’t get me wrong. I normally say it’s always a good time to invest no matter the current state of the economy. However, if you have nobodys and average Joes on Robinhood buying anything just because of the crash we had in March due to the coronavirus, you need to be realistic.

My portfolio is still in the green and my overall returns this year is +70%. Kind of makes me wish I wasn’t stuck to a normal nine to five job doing IT, but I’m only dreaming. I made off with several thousands in profit and still hold more to keep myself invested. Thanks for the wild ride.

2020: seriously, what the fuck.

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Let’s Hurry It Up

Two of my closest friends are expecting their first child. I’m excited as much as they are and to think I’ll be an uncle to someone is surreal. How odd, terrifying, but moving.

While I believe everyone on this journey of life sets their own pace, I’ve suddenly found myself wondering if I’m behind. The feelings come naturally when I’m preoccupied with work and why my savings isn’t miraculously going to solve all my problems. Different strokes for different folks, yet I’m here fixed on the monetary.

Don’t mistake it. Life isn’t all about money nor the material, but when life tries to fight you, I’m glad I can cover the seemingly too frequent visits the hospital. It’s a game of fighting the unexpected and misfortunate.

I’ve always told myself I couldn’t possibly be tied to a relationship right now with how busy work keeps me. Fun is immediate without the strings attached. Attachment itself is vulnerability and a slow stewing recipe for distress. Having a child is expensive once the reality phase comes hitting you like a train.

Like my grandma has told me countless times, stop to smell the roses and worry about yourself. Time is limited, yet we’re all trapped wishing for what others have while we are too distracted in how to obtain them. I am me. Next.

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Love and This Year

2020 is quite unusual. Pandemic aside, I didn’t fall head over heels in love and I didn’t date anyone new. I blame COVID for the lack of feelings to be had this year, but tell me something that isn’t already obvious. It’s strange. Normally, I could list a few good places I’ve been to with the lady or a few new experiences to be shared, but all that came to a halt.

Say it ain’t so. I’ve felt cheapened by the events of this year. Watered down even. The few casual encounters or what I like to call “extracurricular activities” I’ve had with women weren’t too meaningful nor something my mind to fixate on. Let’s not even number the headcount.

Everyone had this haze around them. I don’t blame them nor the constant reminders we’re inching towards a post-apocalyptic world — it can’t be helped. Shit. All I’m looking forward to is Thanksgiving — my all time favorite holiday. I can’t imagine the logistics around it, but I’m dreaming. This can’t all be happening and yet it is.

Later world.

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Rainy Day Fund

Life has a way of throwing too much in my direction. I’ve gotten a surprise bill in the mail. A cool four figures owed. Ouch.

I’ve noticed this year has a way of being expected. COVID, riots, heightened attitudes… something doesn’t feel right all year. Honestly, how can it. I’ve largely been unaffected this entire time. Call me thankful to still manage to get by relatively unscathed financially.

I’ve been in the hospital twice in less than a year. Can’t say that is a good sign for things to come, but here I am: tired, sweaty, and unenthusiastic about tomorrow. I’ve come to realize just because I don’t show the underlying emotion, doesn’t mean it’s not unknowingly affecting my well-being. I’m not as invincible as I believe.

Now I’m just mortal. Those feats of stupidity and brazen disregard for life have finally caught up to me. I can’t run any longer and the finish line gets farther. The lion has bitten back and I’m left hopping for the next kilometer.

I want the next year to come already. Give me Thanksgiving and fast forward to the next year, please. Best of luck to everyone wandering, but not yet lost.

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Water in the Glass

This year is either the worst ever or the best I’ve had depending on my perspective. It’s one of those glass half empty or half full situations many people like to think of. If I make a list of what didn’t go right, I have the following:

– COVID-19, economy shutdown, Black Lives Matter, riots, my Grandma being ill, and stocks took a hit.

Being a bit more optimistic, leaves me with this:

– life goes on, my business launched, I’m getting a bonus next month, my investments are up, I still have a job, and my Grandma got treated

This year is so polarizing and only a little more than half of it is gone already. It kind of makes me wonder if this is a test for my ability to persevere in times of crisis and uncertainty. Overall, I’ll have to take it for what it is and keep focused on myself. I recently lack the energy to even stay up past 11 PM without suddenly falling asleep. I’ve been telling myself the exhaustion comes from work, but I wouldn’t be surprised if my mind has been at full blast all this time.

Later world.

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3 MILLION DOLLARS

Retirement is in 35 years for me, which is a long time to consider. I found one of those retirement planning calculators online and it said I would need over 3 million dollars to retire comfortably. That’s a lot.

While seemingly impossible, it’s not. Save money like I always do and keep investing. I’ve had a lot of friends ask me about investing and more or less, they seemed mildly impressed. While some out there spend their time watching TV or whatever lame brain show is the new fad, I can’t stand it. To sit and do nothing is counter productive.

I don’t believe too many people consider their future as much as I do, but the end goal is live a long life without having to struggle to make ends meet. While I’m not old, this puts me in a position to set myself up for the future — one that includes owning a home, having assets and most importantly, a family. I’m always amazed at how little time people plan for life and act on impulse. Everyone wants it now and actively seek immediate gratification. It’s sad and a mistake.

Take the $1200 everyone got as a stimulus check. I still have all of it. My friends spent theirs. Nice? It’s rather foolish if you ask me. Free money that you didn’t plan on having at the beginning of this year shouldn’t be blown on some extravagant purchase. It’s one of my pet peeves with people my age — stupid spending and a lack of proper money management.

At the current rate, I’ll be worth six figures in the next couple years. It’s a far cry from how I was after college. I feel quite good about myself but I’m willing to bet a few closest to me are jealous. You can’t expect people in this economy to be envious. So be it. Everyone loves to criticize you when you’re down in the dumps but when you’re above them, suddenly they’re silent. It’s fucking pathetic.

I like working which is the crazy thing. I did 60 hours this week and finally launched my company as well. The satisfaction is high and there is no better feeling than having it all come together. My work ethic is one of my better qualities. Granted it doesn’t leave me much for a regular social life but if the end result is prosperity, I’ll buckle down and keep at it to make the dream a reality.

Life can be so open ended and somehow I condensed what I want into three main goals. There’s a charming simplicity to it. This year was one of the craziest there was and yet I’m all smiles and optimistic. I’m doing alright and my God, I like it.

Later world.

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My Company Launched!

In another string of good news this month, the company I’m running had our first official product launch. Nine months of hard grueling work finally paid off and I’m exited for this new venture. I have high hopes and this quite possibly will be my ticket to greater fortunes and a new lifestyle. That’s fancy talk for: I’m going to fucking make a lot of money.

Speaking of money, I applied for a SBA grant. After hearing a friend of mines who runs his own business was approved for a cool $10K, I said fuck it and went for it. Worst that can happen is I get a fraction of that, but honestly — free fucking money. You know the saying the rich get richer? I see it now. I’ve officially gone full circle. Free money is the best shit there is.

There feels like a lot of bragging here but I deserve it. Anyone who doesn’t like it, well, tough luck. Or better yet as my ex would say: that’s too bad. As much I want it feel the pain the rest of America is feeling with BLM, police brutality, or whatever the typical Millennial or Gen Z-er is fighting for on the left these days, their priorities are not my priorities.

I can 100% say that anyone who is down on their luck in life should have the capacity to dig themselves out of the hole. Because every action lead them into that predicament, they should be the ones who get themselves out.

I’m on a fucking roll. Later world.