The Weekend Crew: Tanaya and Tiffany

I can count the number of male friends I have with one hand. My really skinny hands at that.

I naturally seem to get along better with females. There was a certain point passed my sexist misogynistic bro-phase of early adolescence where it occurred to me that much of what guys talk about doesn’t really sit too well with me. That’s not to say there isn’t the usual guy talk at the office, but if anyone mentions to me about video games, guns, and whatever new extreme action packed thing there is right now, frankly, I don’t care. That ceased to amuse me years ago.

I usually meet up with 2 friends (both female, no less), who I affectionately call “the weekend crew.” Over simplifying the complex nature of personalities of people, you can consider them, Tanaya — the tall black girl who has a thing for Asian guys (emphasis), and Tiffany — a short Asian girl with a small voice and usual weekend DD. Fun fact: Tiff is my neighbor around the corner. Small world, right?

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How did we meet? Tanaya crashed my end of the year party for my friend Jack in 2015 at UCSB. Note that she was not invited and proceeded to side-step me as I was out greeting guests at the door. First impressions: Who the f-ck is she? And she seems rude. The rudeness hasn’t changed much. Tanaya and Tiff were neighbors living in Santa Ynez. Naturally, Santa Barbara would unite us together even after we all have graduated.

The Weekend Itinerary

  • go downtown or somewhere in Alhambra or Pasadena
  • visit a bar
  • drink at said bar (emphasis on alcohol)
  • repeat at another bar
  • Tanaya keels over
  • Tiff is the DD
  • repeat next week

Believe me. It’s actually pretty fun.

Stories from UCSB: A Girl Named Grace

Sometimes you always run into that one girl over and over again for 2 years. But she’s secretly a weirdo.

Isla Vista is a fairly small college town about 2 miles across. If you had a consistent schedule, you may be lucky enough to bump into a friend every week. It was my first year, I was living in Santa Ynez, there was always one quiet and shy girl I saw practically everyday in multiple random classes. Long black hair, glasses, Asian, and slightly above average in height is how’d I best describe her. At first we would exchange awkward glances, which unfortunately morphed into a “what the fuck, you again?” head turn.

You’d think after happening for so long, someone (meaning me) would introduce themselves. But nope. The furthest I spoke to her was one afternoon once my 3rd psychology class for the day was over. I almost made back to my apartment when I turned the corner and BAM. There she was again. Truthfully, this time, I was somewhat startled. I quickly thought to myself and said, “fuck it.”

“Hey, aren’t you in the class I just had? Wasn’t that midterm totally unfair?” I get I have a deep voice, but I completely caught her off guard and practically made her stumble trying to stop. She murmured a response confirming my suspicions and we both quickly evaded.

Fast forward to my last year at UCSB and I’m in Davidson library frantically cramming for a midterm. I get a notification,”You matched on Tinder!” I check to see who and its the same fucking girl. Think of this moment as the ocean tide, the common cold, or those battered spouses in relationships. They always come back.

At this point, I thought this was ridiculous so I did what any guy with a Tinder match would do, but to very suavely chat her up. If you’re think we hit it off got along great, and found a lot in common, you’re way off. She was a totally freakin’ weirdo. She threw a bunch of off comedy one liners and divulged her amazing ability to recite lines from King of the Hill. If there was ever another reason I look the other way when it comes to Asian women, here’s another penny in the jar.

Sometimes chance encounters are just that — chances. Random at that.