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Let’s Hurry It Up

Two of my closest friends are expecting their first child. I’m excited as much as they are and to think I’ll be an uncle to someone is surreal. How odd, terrifying, but moving.

While I believe everyone on this journey of life sets their own pace, I’ve suddenly found myself wondering if I’m behind. The feelings come naturally when I’m preoccupied with work and why my savings isn’t miraculously going to solve all my problems. Different strokes for different folks, yet I’m here fixed on the monetary.

Don’t mistake it. Life isn’t all about money nor the material, but when life tries to fight you, I’m glad I can cover the seemingly too frequent visits the hospital. It’s a game of fighting the unexpected and misfortunate.

I’ve always told myself I couldn’t possibly be tied to a relationship right now with how busy work keeps me. Fun is immediate without the strings attached. Attachment itself is vulnerability and a slow stewing recipe for distress. Having a child is expensive once the reality phase comes hitting you like a train.

Like my grandma has told me countless times, stop to smell the roses and worry about yourself. Time is limited, yet we’re all trapped wishing for what others have while we are too distracted in how to obtain them. I am me. Next.

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Love and This Year

2020 is quite unusual. Pandemic aside, I didn’t fall head over heels in love and I didn’t date anyone new. I blame COVID for the lack of feelings to be had this year, but tell me something that isn’t already obvious. It’s strange. Normally, I could list a few good places I’ve been to with the lady or a few new experiences to be shared, but all that came to a halt.

Say it ain’t so. I’ve felt cheapened by the events of this year. Watered down even. The few casual encounters or what I like to call “extracurricular activities” I’ve had with women weren’t too meaningful nor something my mind to fixate on. Let’s not even number the headcount.

Everyone had this haze around them. I don’t blame them nor the constant reminders we’re inching towards a post-apocalyptic world — it can’t be helped. Shit. All I’m looking forward to is Thanksgiving — my all time favorite holiday. I can’t imagine the logistics around it, but I’m dreaming. This can’t all be happening and yet it is.

Later world.