Did I Do Enough?

With the year almost over, I can’t help but wonder if I did enough this year. Was there more to be done? Did I work hard enough? Did I say everything that needed to be said? Quite honestly, this whole month feels like a huge blur. Everything is back to normal I feel like. My memory is not exactly what I was prior, but hopefully that improves over time.

I got another car — arguably newer and much faster. To be fair, that’s all they had for sale for a used CPO vehicle so my hands were tied. I can just feel the cold weather making me feel slow and lazy. I’ve been trying to finish this Excel file for a few weeks now, but it’s only about half complete. Good grief.

It’s been another great year. Aside from this month throwing me a curve ball, I welcomed every date, accomplishment, goal, and sudden down turn. The pay raise helps too, but honestly, the money isn’t going to make everything perfect any time soon.

At least on paper, I’m up from last year, both career wise and financially. I can safely say I have the least amount of debt in 4 years, which is a huge sigh of relief. Next year, I can say goodbye to all my debt and hopefully find my own place to move into. I’m sure my friends will hate it regardless, but that wouldn’t stop me just yet.

Is there more to be done? Of course. Can I complain about the year having had most of it fly by in an instant? No way. Don’t complain if you can’t find ways to fix it. What’s done is done and it’s best I accept all the events that happened up to now.

I loved, I missed, I adored, and I failed. To everyone I dated, I wished it all could have turned out better. To everyone I saw, I wish it could have been longer. To all the failures I faced, I only wish it won’t repeat. If the sun rises tomorrow, I’ll find more reasons to press on forward towards the imaginary finish line. Except it’s not a race.

2020, I’m racing against only myself. Running from the past yet racing towards the future. It’s gonna be a lonely run, but most goals accomplished on your own are the ones that are most satisfying. I’m not looking for praise or help from anyone. See me for who I am or what I want to be. Just another ant in the glass dome marching on.

Later world.

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