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SOS Help Me

I found out today by the ever so lovely company account I have a huge tax problem upcoming. In all honesty, we, meaning me, should have consulted someone before transferring an entire fucking company to my name, but ignorance is bliss (almost). Worst case scenario, I get a letter in the mail from the IRS. She assured me this is fixable and my God, I hope so too.

I’ve been driving this stupidly slow and Dad-vibes Jetta for the better part of tbe week and it’s somewhat grown on me. That eco button on the center console is no joke. Literally don’t have to fill up much to get from point A to B. Supposedly I get my much preferred and fixed Golf GTI back tomorrow and I’m really hoping that’s true. No one kill my vibe, okay?

Am I tired, weak, and riddled with insomnia? Yes, all of the above. I think the shining light out of all these issues is my co-workers have been pretty supportive of my new business venture and have nothing but encouraging.

I was designing a website today and noticed all the missing pages and sections are much like life. It’s all a work in progress. You fill in all the pieces and images eventually, but you’re never quite satisfied later on. Anyone content is just not seeing the improvements to be made or their full potential. What a beautiful, yet geeky way to preoccupy my mind about life.

Also, everyone this time of the year keeps asking who the hell I’m seeing now or what happened to this person or that. Is it really my obligation to tell them my personal dating life and who I’m seeing — seriously or not? Typical office gossip bullshit, but really — I’m not going to be engaged any time soon. Why the urgency and rush all of a sudden?

I’m fucking 28 going on thirty. Make about 40% more than the median household income in my town, and have not the slightest idea why I’m not content yet. Talk to my expensive therapist, my ultra highly rated physician, my dermatologist, or some other shrink I see every few months and maybe they’ll have some idea how to fix me.

Work isn’t great but it keeps me busy and my mind away from these types of thoughts. I did a good deed this month and bought my baby sis and brand new MacBook for her birthday without even questioning that decision. Shit. I remember buying some piece of shit barely functional laptop with a measly 2 hour battery life back when I decided to go back to college and get my life together. I think I’ve come a long way and as some say, the journey continues. Stay humble, keep moving forward, and keep the past away from seeing the future.

2020 — I’m optimistic yet terrified for my own self. How amusing and strangely contradictory.

Later world.

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