It’s the day before Thanksgiving! Finally. I felt as if every day this week was testing more of my patience, but at last — the end is near. I don’t think I slept much, but that’s to be expected when you’re constantly hammered with work. Note to self: catch up on some Zs. I’ll have a four day weekend all to myself to unwind and relax — which is just what I needed. Safe to say I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. I’m excited to pay everyone a visit tomorrow.
I’ll be skipping the bullshit Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales. Honestly, I don’t need to buy a single thing. My co-workers have been constantly talking about every new deal they hear, which is nice and all, but if you’re buying something just because it’s on sale, you didn’t need it in the first place.
Thanksgiving values and traditions are incompatible with the materialistic and madness that surrounds the holiday shopping season. Call me crazy, but why should we focus so much on buying ourselves gifts? Don’t we get bored of them once they’re ours? Why divert so much attention away from spending time with people you care about?
Everyone seems to throw around the word love so loosely. I love this. I love that. But what is really love? I remember being a kid and listening to Elvis Presley’s Falling In Love With You for the first time and finding myself unable to grasp the word or know the feeling yet. Strange, but intriguing. Even as I’m much older, it’s still one of my all time favorites songs and is in my daily playlist. To love — what the fuck does that even mean?
I can vaguely remember falling in love for the first time. There’s a lot of first to be expected once you find yourself young, naive, and attracted to someone. They have the aura around them when your eyes find them in a crowd or better yet — when she walks towards you. There’s only one huge problem, young love doesn’t last yet we reminisce about it for a lifetime. Alluring is the word and so is attraction.
Isn’t that just one component of the four lettered word I rather not keep saying? Attraction is important, but physical traits shouldn’t outweigh personality. Everyone can look good in a picture posted online or social media with the hundreds of awful filters I see everyone overuse. I think it’s the most difficult part in finding that special someone that brings the spark in your eyes and the smile on your face. Is she really more than beauty?
The pitfalls of dating in the modern world is everyone wants to at least look like they’re compatible, but I find the person in front me during dinner unable to understand what the fuck I’m talking about. Their responses say a lot — it gives it away they have no idea what I’m referring to. Yes. Mmhmm. That’s cool. Why not just stop me and make it apparent you’re clueless? I can probably go for days talking about why space travel is cool as fuck, landing on Mars is important for humanity, or why buying stocks beats having money in a savings account. My interests aren’t that common. Tell me now.
Sincerity is paramount. I can’t take credit for that phrase because I’m sure someone else out there in the vast expanse of the world has used it before, but to love is to be sincere and always. Truth and honesty is one of he best traits about being in love. Knowing they can be real with you as you are to them is an amazing, yet reassuring feeling. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen my parents blatantly bullshit in front of each other for such stupid and petty reasons. They sleep in separate rooms.
You can’t love too many people either. Either they mean the world to you and more or they don’t. Why do you care about someone is equally as important as who you care about. The feeling is indescribable. The components that comprise it are many. And the reasons are strict and singular. Love — a four letter word I’ve felt, but only come close to fully understanding.
November 23, 2019: What the Fuck?
Can it be Thanksgiving already? My day is off to a bad start and I’m annoyed I have to yet again work over the weekend. It feels like this is all I know and do this time of the year. My body feels like it’s running on empty and the lingering thought of running the new business doesn’t help. There’s so much setup involved — I wish I could have an assistant now. Seriously — have someone help me answer emails, pickup my second line, and enter data in spreadsheets. I can’t complain, yet — truly. I was given a double digit percentage raise and from my knowledge, none of my co-workers were given the same welcoming holiday treatment. One of them was joking how I can’t take any vacation days because from his perspective, “I’m indispensable here every single day”. Every… fucking… single… day. As funny as we made it seem, it hurts to know I might never get to use the almost months worth of vacation I’ve accrued since I’ve worked at my current job.
In other news, the internet here at my favorite coffee shop sucks today and I can’t for the life of me get my project dashboard to load. It’s like I’m back on the Internet in the early 2000s. Slow as molasses and web pages load in blocks as if it’s dial-up. Maybe this is a sign from above or some other worldly power that I need to take a chill pill. Just, relax and do nothing today. I more or less am my own department — which has a lot of advantages and perks. I’m practically never told what to do and have no real hard deadlines. It’s an interesting position I’ve been put in. So why do I feel so stressed? That I’ll never know. Perhaps setting my own aggressive deadlines is working against me. But is it? I’m only headed up and this month overall has been fantastic.
I got a new car, Apple replaced my entire computer for free passed warranty, and I finally treated myself to something nice I’ve been wanting. I feel neither sad or happy — just content. Honestly, come at me harder world. November is still my favorite month. I’ve gotten this far and I’ve checked off all of my goals and then some. What’s next? I’m eagerly waiting to find out. Danny, out.
I hear the voice of a thousand cries,
Heading towards the evening sky,
Heavens cry for no man lies,
What the heart knows and cannot try,
Where to go but without a why,
How we come to here and upon this time,
Mercy now and forever smile,
A ghost from the past lurking by,
Hallow depths and into the rye,
Together but apart — the longest goodbye,
I find nights where I’m asleep the words for my poetry come naturally. Almost as if this is the perfect hour to write a poem. Enjoy!
I’m being hired my own secretary, which honestly sounds exciting. Someone who will take calls and help out with the piles of forms and bills that will likely get sent my way. A receptionist essentially. I’m running my own business and there’s a ton of setup involved. Contracts, negotiations, insurance liabilities — it’s an endless mess of chaos beginning a business. The workload doesn’t scary me, the thought of it not meeting my own set of goals does.
I’m in uncharted territory for the first time in forever and while the doors are all open, that feeling of things possibly going very wrong is a possibility — however small it may seem. It will be the first time where I won’t have anyone telling me what to do and when. It all falls on me. You can say there’s some pressure involved, but tell me something that isn’t new.
During my meeting today, everyone has high expectations and you know what? I’m ready for anything coming. I’ll probably like this freedom bestowed upon me. I’m up and it’s about time.
Now to find a receptionist.
I’ve always been very fond of November. It’s my birth month and it includes Black Friday and Thanksgiving. Not to mention being able to see my family all in one place. This year, I’ve out done myself. My new car is all that I could have imagined and more. Sales are way the fuck up and I feel I’ve really gotten a lot done this week. Everyone including myself is impressed. What a wonderful feeling and I sincerely hope it lasts for a while.
If there’s anything I wish is that there’s more to be accomplished and with a stronger focus. It’s easy to fall back on old habits and have yourself be another potato. I can’t stand the thought of just sitting around and doing nothing. Which honestly is both good and bad. Good in that you’re keeping yourself productive, but bad in that you’re never letting yourself rest.
It’s almost the end of the year and I’m only worried I don’t have time to do more for myself. Later world.
My eyes have never been great. I spent an ungodly amount of time in front of a television as a kid and destroyed my eyesight. I can surely blame my parents for locking me up inside with nothing to do, but what’s the point. Since the 6th grade, I had to wear glasses. Wouldn’t you know it, my eyesight got progressively worse every year. That’s until I was around 20, when suddenly it stopped changing for whatever reason. I like to think the shape of my eyeballs finally reached peak football season and was coming into retirement.
First I thought this was kind of neat. I told myself, “Sweet, I can keep using the same pair of glasses every year and have spares laying around.” This however was naive. Glasses still slide off, get lost on those days you don’t have the spare, and are forever clumsy as hell. I use to think I was the shit since I had fancy black designer frames. I was wrong. After several more years of fiddling with glasses, I convinced myself to get laser eye surgery or commonly called lasik. I was going to have a laser permanently reshape my eyes. Crazy, right?
I’ve been told by my family to not mess around with your eyes too much. Having that constantly echoing in my head, I went on Yelp and picked the best place in town to get the procedure done with the newest equipment — a bit at a much higher price point. You only have one set of eyes. Would you take a risk at a cheaper place?
I had my initial consultation and check up booked within a few days. For the sake of anonymity, I’ll call my doctor Dr. K. I didn’t know this at first, but he was one of the best eye doctors in the entire nation. I literally had the best guy anywhere for this procedure — I better, considering I’m paying an arm and leg. I felt like I was in good hands. However, my check up revealed something I never known. I was diagnosed as a glaucoma candidate. The news terrified me, but Dr. K said I was still able to do the procedure and it was the best chance I could have gotten catching it now rather than when I’m older.
I dodged a bullet and could have slowly went blind without noticing. It’s funny how life will try to fuck with you when you try to do something nice for yourself. I suppose this time is all luck. My eyes have never felt better or seen so clearly. I can’t imagine slowly losing my vision. That thought is one reserved for another day — perhaps never.
Nice try world. Later.
Two days ago, I went and bought myself a new car. It’s a certified pre-owned vehicle but it looks like it just came out of the factory. It has awesome leather seats, an amazing sound system, and a cool moon roof that opens completely for the nicest views of the night.
I dig it. Ever have those feelings of wanting something and living up to expectations once you get it? This is exactly it. That sweet feeling of working towards a big goal and following through to it. I guess you can say it’s one of my best traits. I mean what I say and will do it — always. A man is only as good as his word after all.
I feel blessed and grateful this came to fruition. To be frank, I had the hardest time finding a job and sticking to it during the post college years. My friends gave me a hard time for bailing frequently, but I did what I thought was best and those jobs got me nowhere. Fast forward to today where my life feels like a complete makeover and then some.
I do miss my old two-seater convertible. I had it for two sweet years and numerous strangers stopped me in parking lots to give complements on how well kept it looked. I think all the dates I’ve gone on in my old car makes it the most memorable. I literally felt on top of the world, invincible, and the world was in my hands. The car was armour for the body and soul. For that, I gained a bit more self-confidence and a positive outlook on life.
This is my third car in slightly less than 5 years. I’m doing something right. Thanks, world. I’m amazed yet again.
I feel old, but everyone says I look about 24. I’ll take that as a compliment any day. It seems everyday I notice more grey hairs popping up. If I recall, both of my grandpa’s didn’t lose their hair well into their 70s, which is kind of a relief. One less thing to worry about, right? I always found it strange celebrating your birthday. As if turning one year older has to be exciting to think about. When I was in my early 20s, I found myself partying as hard as possible on that particular day of the year. Alcohol was plentiful. Shots were numerous. And I felt as drunk as a tranquilized tiger being transported from its lonely cage.
Cheers to another year around the sun. Later world.
I rarely add an exclamation mark in a title — actually, never. I’m excited. This weekend, I’ll be buying a new car — a Volkswagen Golf GTI all spec’d out with bells and whistles. Hell, it even parks itself. Crazy, right?
I told myself earlier this year I needed a more practical car than a small two seat convertible that I’ve enjoyed for the past two years. It barely works to carry groceries and its age makes reliability very questionable.
I’ve gone on countless dates in my current car and it holds a special place in my heart. It felt like an eternity ago when I bought it at a used car dealership in the area. That was then and I feel blessed my job has afforded me something better. This will be my third car in five years. Perhaps it’s a sign I’m doing alright for myself — indeed.
Everything works out. Later world.