Certain songs give me the chills. I find myself daydreaming of the past so much that music sends me right back into time. Most are good memories, whereas others into the feelings that come with despair. I guess you can say I get triggered by melodies and I’m helpless to stop the reaction. Isn’t life about remembering yourself in yesteryear to see how far you’ve come into the present?
“Take my hand. Take my whole life too.”
I sometimes wonder if those people in my memories think of me. If they long since forgotten that time I knew them, maybe even loved. Is it unusual to wonder if I can be so lucky to occupy just a short moment in their mind? Life goes on and I feel so tethered to wanting the past to be present I think I might be crazy. I miss them, but I might never know if they miss me.
I remember listening to one song during my morning walks to class and instantly being transported back to a year where friends, life and the world felt so simple. Carefree even. I had one life then and I wish I had it now. Yearning. Longing. Wanting. And missing it.
“I was alright for a while. I could smile for a while.”
Fuck me I’m almost 28. This year went by quicker than I could blink. And fuck me did I try to blink slowly and take it all in. The weather is bipolar and I’ve never been so busy in my entire life. Work is seldom all I know this time of the year, but at least the holidays are almost upon us. Something to look forward to as some would say.
I feel good — just incredibly tired and it feels like most days I end up with some sort of stressed induced headache. I feel like a lot of nice things are just on the horizon. The new sister company I’m running will launch, my paycheck never looked better, and I afforded myself a new smartphone today. The feels man — no seriously.
It’s make or break time. I’m pulled in endless directions and I’ve caught myself telling some of my co-workers to let me finish one thing at a time before I can get to them. It’s uncharacteristic of me, but I’m like a one man army. My office honestly couldn’t run a day without me there which only makes the insane amount of vacation time I’ve accumulated seem impossible to enjoy.
Well fuck me, right? I’ve always wonder what one of those bullshit “keep calm and carry on” posters meant. Now I do. I’ve made a few habits for the better by not eating out so much and drinking what feels like a gallon of water each day. I think my co-workers noticed, but most fall back to the lame and ever so predictable you’re too skinny to be eating like this comments.
Dude, I reached the point I can’t get away with eating anything. Give me a break. I feel it’s always easier now to change your habits when you’re still willing and capable rather than waiting til the health crisis comes knocking at your doctor’s door. Let’s hope my ultra clean eating sticks. Sans alcohol too of course.
Just once, I hope I actually go and meet someone compelling on a date. I read some stat that dating gets few and far once you reach 30 with a career cemented in your sights. Last I checked or Instagram notified, everyone is getting hitched more and more every year. Would I like to be one of them soon? Probably not. Other priorities take over. Maybe it’ll finally hit that I’m pretty okay in life and I can stop worrying about the numbers in each account and how ungodly diversified my portfolio is.
My grandma once told me I might be too focused on the end not knowing I’m missing out on the attractions around me. It’s some trip and all I can see is the destination — imaginary yet never getting closer to arrival. Stop to smell the roses. Just be careful of thorns around the bush.
Later world. Danny out.
This October feels like last October — busy. Which is fine. It’s good to be busy. It tests your patience which everyone when they inevitable need your assistance with something mundane. The days feel long and tiring, but the light is near. Wish the sun wasn’t making it a hundred degrees all week. Fuck that.
I feel good. I got a crazy 12% raise and feel like I’m on top of the world. Like a lot of things in life, you have to speak up and ask. This raise requires a bit of negotiation, but I knew my desired outcome was likely. Honestly — get the fuck out of my way if you’re pushing bad vibes.
It seems this month is devoid of any sleep — it fucking sucks. I feel tired but can’t for the life of me fall asleep. With that, here’s a poem.
I feel the coldest of nights,
Darkness all around and not yet fright,
A howl from the ear and eyes no sight,
To feel alone — temptations with my might,
Journey to the bottom and that’s alright,
Whistling in the open and til we fight,
Come and gone — maybe she was right,
I’m riding for one until I die…