Where Are We

It’s September — which seems kind of sudden. Overall, I feel like the year has been a mixed bag of ups and downs, sprinkled with a bit of emotional drama. The beginning of this year felt like eons ago and I was preoccupied with taking the woman that hit my car to court. It seems almost petty now that I look back at it. I realized there was likely no way someone without insurance was going to pay for the cost of my repairs. People like her suck immensely. Fuck it, right?

I had a second job which felt good to say, but in practice took a mental and physical toll. Extra income was great, but not at the cost I endured. Some lessons must be learned the difficult way and this one rocked my world, while making the days feel like an eternity. It’s true what they say, all work and no play is a recipe for disaster.

There’s always some silver linings to most hardships. Had I not felt the sting of life, I’d probably risk feeling let down again and again later down the line. Bad days are few and many, but it passes — eventually. I don’t feel bad about not having the extra money I somewhat needed. I feel for the people that suddenly left my world. The often swift and rarely seen. Often it’s the ones we wish we were closer that could be around, but the forces of the world act as repellent.

I’ve said this many times, but people come and go — not always, but eventually. It’s the inevitable much like the moon in the night sky piercing through the clouds. It’s a play of both parties that set in motion the words that would eventually separate two people. It’s a long and drawn out process. You hate to see it happen, but you find yourself latched on to the past. Memories after all can be shackles that prevent you from moving forward. This is the end for you and me — but I’m glad there was never we.

In defense of optimism, there were times life felt like I was on the highest mountain peaks. I hit it off — so it seemed at the time, with a random stranger I was eyeing at a party. The interaction was short lived, but the moment felt forever. I could not have hoped for it to have been more than what it is — a chance encounter. It’s another one of those memories that bring a slight smile to the face and corners of my mouth.

Dating is still fun and it brings a lot of excitement. I’m someone who feels strongly for another that can freely tell me all and everything about themselves — good or bad. You can say it’s something of a weakness. It’s a spell in many ways only I’m too disillusioned to see all the glaring flaws in front of me. I really need to get better at this. See them for they are and who you want them to be. Project nothing and remain seated for the often lackluster show.

Personally, I’ve done well for myself this year. Debt is at an all time low and I’m on track to have more than I could of imagined those first few years just finding myself in the real world. Hooray? The numbers grow higher, but the discontentment increases. I’m a contradiction in that sense. Work to be paid, yet have all it stashed away somewhere to not be enjoyed.

Where we in 2019? Your guess is as good as mine.

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