The Never Ending Top

If there was ever a race to the finish line in life, it would be one I dare not cross. There really is no end goal with living and having some overarching goal or accomplishment that somehow “completes” it seems like a silly concept. Who really knows what they’re doing anyway? Do people not get up in the morning to jobs they dislike or wander aimlessly through life with no clear course? It seems apparent that we can all be wanderers with the illusion of direction.

I remember once as a kid, I tried walking up an escalator that was traveling down — not up. As fast as I could, I could see myself reaching the top. Yet, before I could make it all the way, fatigue slowed me down and I was slowly brought back down to where I began. Perhaps this is life in a nutshell.

I find myself in constant motion every month. I have a tendency to be over-analytical with my goals and priorities. If I ask myself every morning, “What the fuck am I doing?” I have just a small sense of dread and unease come over me. Short-term goals are usually much easier to conceptualize.

  • pay off remaining debt
  • save $XXXXX amount
  • find an apartment
  • raise revenue for the company by X%
  • run 5K daily
  • write everyday

These are just some of the things I do or work towards every day since this year began. Everything is straightforward because I don’t need to plan too far into the future. Long-term goals for this reason take a world of more effort. They are infinitely more grand and in my case requires multiple steps to reach the top — if there was one.

  • make $XXXXX amount per year
  • put away $XXXX per month to buy a house
  • raise credit score to 8XX

At first glance, it’s all sense to be about numbers and money. I’ll admit that to be obvious. Most things I want require a good chunk of change to reach the goal — err lifestyle I have in mind. It’s for a good reason after all. Buying a home is not an easy feat and I’m usually checking housing prices every week. You can rent an apartment without much difficulty, but mortgages, down payments, credit scores, and savings take a few years. Funny thing is, I have yet to be overwhelmed at the thought. If the idea is still there in my mind after every month, then it’s a goal I’ll keep pursuing. Worst thing that can happen is I change my mind and I put all of it into retirement.

Seriously, why am I so neurotic over my goals? Later world.

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