Never Again

You met me at my highest of highs. It was interesting for me — or the new me at the time. I felt on top of the world for what felt like forever once I turned my life around. All those months and years culminating to our chance encounter that one day. How lucky. The universe threw me a bone and I instantly wanted to know more about you. Our conversations were short, but the itch was there.

One thing lead to another and we were texting. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I was curious and perhaps you were too. Everyone loves the beginnings of a relationship — how could they possibly not. Call me crazy, but I was confident and people tend to like that. I knew what I wanted and you had to be in picture. Maybe I’m a fast worker, but just the following week, we were official. It’s a common theme in my life. Snap my fingers and there I am again — commitment, but without any idea of the consequences that were to come.

I loved you. You quickly opened up — both the good, bad, and the better not said. Nothing bothered me too much. Relative to my life, it felt a walk in the park. I told you all my deepest darkest secrets and you felt connected to me deeply. We peeled back the first few layers and soon we were both vulnerable. Words can bond us, but now drive us apart in an instant.

It wasn’t easy by any means. You had a temper only your most trust friends knew and saw. You told me you were sad and for a very long time. It saddened me, but I hid it. What can I do, really? I didn’t see myself as your magic bandaid in life and I kept that thought in the back of my mind. Before we knew it, you couldn’t leave me out of your sight.

I absolutely hated this about you. The all too typical clingy girlfriend who hassled and nagged when the other party wasn’t responding. It was a warning sign for things to come, but I told myself that’s just how some people are. We lived together for months on end — never being more than a few feet away from each other. It was fun in the beginning, but I quickly wanted space. I wanted out, but you disagreed by using the silent treatment.

It’s not like I wanted to upset you. You had one idea of the relationship and I had mine. I wanted more independence and you wanted more of me. I could give you the entire world, but I knew it would never satisfy you. Even when I was away, it felt like I couldn’t get you out of my sight. The constant barrage of texts and messages overwhelmed me. I hated it and even now when someone does the same thing.

Perhaps you still have some hostility for me for calling it off. I don’t miss you a bit. I call this time in my life a lesson for the future. Never again.

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