May is Mental Health Awareness Month. I’ve been no stranger to feeling sad, off, or have prolong feelings of melancholy that seem to make the days drag on. They say the depressed see the world in duller tones — which I can attest to be true. Once in a blue moon, I feel myself at the depths of despair even though, by all accounts, life is going smoothly. I have a nice job, car, a few nice possessions, friends that care about me, and people that I can reach without much trouble. I’d trade all my worldly possessions for the relationships I have with my friends and family without hesitation. I firmly believe that is what is important in life — people.
I feel broken. But perhaps I’m not wording that eloquently enough. I’ve had a number of events in my life that traumatized me whether I can freely admit it or not. The deaths of a few close family members, an emotionally abusive relationship with a former girl friend, non-existent blood family, almost dying a few times, and a few friends leaving my boat to fend for myself alone in the ocean — life isn’t always glamorous or picture perfect.
Would I trade all those negative experiences for a life free of pain and suffering? Absolutely not. Learn from the past and just keep moving forward. It’s not your typical bullshit motivational post found on the likes of Facebook or Instagram — it’s the truth. I have a hard time forgetting and I would say time only slowly removes those unwanted feelings and emotions. I’m honest. I hope everyone else I care about is also.
It’s May 2019 and I can recall feeling completely lost in my own word numerous times in the past. Alone. It’s strange to admit when there are so many people who care about me. I’ve only recently realized how I perceive my world is not 1-to-1 to reality. I need a few words of advice and wisdom or a pick me up some months, but I listen intently. Perhaps, I am different, but I know there are others who feel the same way. All I have is this blog and the words in between. I fancy myself an optimist and hope that doesn’t change.
Take care of yourself. Thanks for visiting. Later world.