Putting Up a Face

I can see the mask that hides a face,

Dying within and a hurting soul,

A torment in the mind and eyes of rose,

You feel the highs and the depths of lows,

Say what you can, but only I shall know,

Darling — no.



Away We Go

Run away with me,

And away we go,

Where the skies are blue,

And the fields are gold,

Like diamond rings

For the times are old,

This feeling is new

And a hand to hold,

Were running into the sun

To place where one,

A billion stars

And here are none,

Darling — just once…


Fuck She’s Cool

I have one friend I’ve known for more than half my life. As a matter of fact, since the 6th grade — so about when I was 11. Back then, I was incredibly mean to her, but thankfully, I’m forgiven — or she doesn’t remember it. Hooray!

We tend to chat about veganism, health, and animal welfare whenever she posts something intriguing. I dig it a lot. It’s rare to find someone so outwardly passionate about certain topics and interests. I was mentioning how difficult it would be to eat out with my group of friends if I made the switch, seeing as how other food options are hard to come by. Recently, there has been the new and improved Impossible Burger making the rounds at some restaurants, but there’s a catch. It costs more than a regular cheeseburger.

So much for that. I told her the most health conscious thing I’ve done recently the past couple weeks was go on a water fast. By some surprise, she fasts too. We both got excited by the coincidence. Two skinny people fasting makes people raise their eyebrows, but it’s more about detoxification than weight reasons. Just like that, my day got a lot brighter and I realized just how awesome some my long time friends are.

May ain’t too bad. Later world.


Reconnecting: Part II

Yesterday, I met up with a friend from high school. I haven’t seen her in ten years — which is crazy to think about. I was in Instagram just a few weeks earlier when I saw her profile as a suggestion. We added each other and eventually made plans to meet up. Normally, I have a few worries with seeing someone again. Is she as I remembered? Will this be awkward? What do we talk about?

This, however, is just me overthinking and rarely the case. We caught up the best two people could condensing a ten year absence into a couple hours of time. She laughed a lot which quickly made the time go by quickly. She said, “It sounds like you’ve had an interesting life.”

Perhaps. Some people never change and I kind of like that. Later world.


Graduation Season

It’s that time of the year where I see more of my friends graduating from college. In fact, I can barely remember my own graduation from four years ago. I found it incredibly underwhelming and just a chore to sit around for those few hours. It was bitter sweet. To finally be done with school, but have the uneasiness of mountains of student debt looming over me. I felt school only barely prepared me for the journey that laid ahead.

School was a piece of cake — and my God was it easy. I couldn’t imagine using anything I learned in 3 years of community college and two years at the UC. Did getting As and Bs even matter? Heck no. It didn’t. How many people really cared where I went? Pretty much none. I had to ask myself, “What was school good for?” That question alone gave me an existential crisis considering the time, energy, and money I poured into getting a very expensive piece of paper. To condense everything I learned in college: perseverance and hard work.

Job hunting was an absolute bitch the first 6 months. And by the time I did find a decent job, my short stints at various places opened up my eyes to the brutal nature of the current job market. Wages are low and expect to grind it out for a while before you start making serious money. I learned more in the time looking for a stable job than in six years of school. Expect the world to fight against you and succeed even if you give it your all.

Go figure. Later world.


Stay A While

Darling stay a while,

A minute or two more,

I have too much to say,

And the feelings are warm,

Is the world against us?

The pushing and the pull

A current flows between us

And we’re drifting ashore,

I hear a silence in the night,

The crashing waves below,

I see the glow of the moon,

But it’s empty in the day,



Thanks. But No Thanks.

I recently have been talking to this one lady — she likes me. Hooray? Now normally, the thought of having someone like me sends a lot of conflicting thoughts. Why does she like me? Where does this go? What are her motives? I don’t jump in with open arms since it’s not a priority of mine to have a relationship.

My male friends hate this about me. The argument is usually, “You’ve been single for X amount of years. Why not?” True. But I find being with someone a lot of work. Shit literally ties you down and there’s a lot of effort needed — none of which allures me at this point of my life.

Other goals take precedence. I much rather go full force with my career and find the means to buy my own place and be completely independent for myself. That in of itself sounds impressive, whenever it does happen. Getting tied down more or less keeps those goals in the backseat.

I think most relationships are dependent on the other person for much of the duration. It could be as simple as getting a ride, emotional support, a phone call, or the occasional venting out of frustrations. It doesn’t allure me. I don’t like supporting someone. It’s a rarity to meet someone who is completely capable of fending for themselves without a few strings attached. For now, I’ll have to tell her thanks, but no thanks.

No hard feelings, darling? Later world.


Life’s a Beach


Morning Thoughts

Kind hearted soul of days long gone,

I wonder of the time where we went wrong,

The heavens gate closes at one,

Mercy for my troubles and forever done,

What is life without someone,

Regrets and actions that can’t be undone,

She came and she gone like the passing sun,

Alone with my thoughts with no one,


Never Again

You met me at my highest of highs. It was interesting for me — or the new me at the time. I felt on top of the world for what felt like forever once I turned my life around. All those months and years culminating to our chance encounter that one day. How lucky. The universe threw me a bone and I instantly wanted to know more about you. Our conversations were short, but the itch was there.

One thing lead to another and we were texting. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I was curious and perhaps you were too. Everyone loves the beginnings of a relationship — how could they possibly not. Call me crazy, but I was confident and people tend to like that. I knew what I wanted and you had to be in picture. Maybe I’m a fast worker, but just the following week, we were official. It’s a common theme in my life. Snap my fingers and there I am again — commitment, but without any idea of the consequences that were to come.

I loved you. You quickly opened up — both the good, bad, and the better not said. Nothing bothered me too much. Relative to my life, it felt a walk in the park. I told you all my deepest darkest secrets and you felt connected to me deeply. We peeled back the first few layers and soon we were both vulnerable. Words can bond us, but now drive us apart in an instant.

It wasn’t easy by any means. You had a temper only your most trust friends knew and saw. You told me you were sad and for a very long time. It saddened me, but I hid it. What can I do, really? I didn’t see myself as your magic bandaid in life and I kept that thought in the back of my mind. Before we knew it, you couldn’t leave me out of your sight.

I absolutely hated this about you. The all too typical clingy girlfriend who hassled and nagged when the other party wasn’t responding. It was a warning sign for things to come, but I told myself that’s just how some people are. We lived together for months on end — never being more than a few feet away from each other. It was fun in the beginning, but I quickly wanted space. I wanted out, but you disagreed by using the silent treatment.

It’s not like I wanted to upset you. You had one idea of the relationship and I had mine. I wanted more independence and you wanted more of me. I could give you the entire world, but I knew it would never satisfy you. Even when I was away, it felt like I couldn’t get you out of my sight. The constant barrage of texts and messages overwhelmed me. I hated it and even now when someone does the same thing.

Perhaps you still have some hostility for me for calling it off. I don’t miss you a bit. I call this time in my life a lesson for the future. Never again.