Categories
Uncategorized

Untitled 4/9/19

I keep dreaming for tomorrow,

A diamond ring for another,

Some call her the angel for my temper,

Another soul for the summer,


I keep awakening from my slumber,

Terrified eyes for the winter,

It’s troubling to another,

My mind thinks of nothing but her,


I was running from trouble,

Fear in the spring and alone in the shadows,

What am I without her?

Two hearts for another

 

Categories
Uncategorized

The Break Up

My sister and her boy friend of the past several years have broken up — much to everyone’s shock and surprise. Was this the impending doom of two people who spent every waking minute together? I rather not say. I felt they over relied on each other at times. Yet, isn’t that one of the side effects of being in love? To want to spend all your time with them?

Like most people who find themselves newly single (and ready to mingle), my sis has already started seeing someone new. Her late night trips and returns at the wee hours of 3-5AM say a lot. Do I as an older brother approve of the quick and fast arm candy my sis has gotten for herself? Absolutely not. This is just the rebound. God forbid, I have to meet the guy some time this year.

Seriously. What is love nowadays? Later world.

Categories
Uncategorized

A Roller Coaster

Mid-March through April has been a roller coaster of emotions. It’s different, yet interesting. I don’t think I can recall in the past feeling so overwhelmed and having my feelings shift on a dime with each passing week. I felt love, sad, depressed, angry, disappointed, but also missed and appreciated.

The feelings that come from having an off day usually subside by the next week. Having the sheer feeling of not being in control more often is overtaking my thoughts. I’ll admit work life has gotten so bad I nearly had a nervous breakdown. Yet, for now, the show goes on.

I should really find a better balance with work and leisure. Ideally work should be free from the usual office politics and ass kissing. Apparently, everyone thinks I’m a sweet talker and will openly ask me to step in when someone doesn’t get what they want front the other party. The fuck is it my problem?

Fun is relative. Some might consider my time spent reading and writing (like pen to paper in a moleskin notebook) is boring. In terms of physical movements, you’re right. I feel having fun isn’t always about getting turnt as the cool kids say. Some weekends you just need to be alone with yourself and your thoughts — away from all the high energy. Low energy needs more appreciation.

My brain feels like it’s of tune or off frequency at times. All I can hear some days is just static. It’s the shock when your old television displays the high buzz from not receiving a signal over the air. Wanting to get away from everything isn’t bad. If anything learning to appreciate being alone should be a priority for everyone.

Later world.

Categories
Uncategorized

The Second Bite

Life can be so cruel. They say you should learn from your past mistakes, but I find that to be sometimes impossible. Past behavior and habits have a way of coming back the minute your life takes a turn for the worst. What’s a bandaid if the scar will open again?

One of the more moving experiences I had was getting a ECG for my heart. Mines a bit off, but seeing the nuanced ups and downs on the chart gave me chills. Life is like a heartbeat and the downs come just as fast as the highest of highs. If the line is flat then there is no life.

Knowing this, I rather face all the lows and terrible days that are surely ahead of me than go flat line.

Categories
Uncategorized

Over Reliance

If you depend too much on someone, eventually they will fail you, let you down or be unable to help you at your most desperate hour. I think everyone has felt the sting of being let down by someone they instilled their trust in — some more than others of course. But isn’t that inevitable? The mere fact we are human means we are all flawed and imperfect. Over reliance is the perfection desired in the world of the imperfect.

I didn’t let you down. I was only human. Who knew independence was so rare?

Categories
Uncategorized

Friends Know Best

My core group of friends mean well. We all have our own personalities that make us unique. We’ve known each other for so long they’re family in my eyes. Some say your blood family is where it really matters, but I would argue mines hasn’t live up to the title. What good does blood do if you’re losing out on life with them. I’ve gotten into heated arguments with a majority of my family over the years and it hasn’t gotten much better no matter how hard I tried to make amends. If you have to try to like them, there likely is a bigger problem on your hands. They are terrible people and not worth your time.

Liking and loving someone comes naturally. Like the seasons that change every quarter or the small amounts of rain Los Angeles drizzles occasionally, mother nature runs its course without your control. I knew for a while now that my friends, even though we won’t agree on every topic or issue, they are truly looking out for me. I’ve felt I have let them down numerous times before through my sheer drunken stupor or rage induced nights. Yet, in the end, all is forgiven. They’ve been been part of my life for so long, I honestly could not see them not being there with me when we’re old, wrinkly, and have kids.

My kid is going to have some very interesting uncles to look up to. Until that day comes, I’d go to the ends of the Earth for each one of them. I’d catch them when they fall because I know they’d do the same for me.

Life is less scary knowing I always have them around.

Categories
Uncategorized

Lost in Time

I feel like I’m constantly in battle with myself. There who I am, who I was, and who I want to be. They say shouldn’t judge others based on their past actions, but is it really the case? I find myself so lost in my thoughts that I don’t feel I ever see the present. Some days feel dull and uninteresting, which is not what a bright sunny So Cal day is suppose to invoke. I often wish I could relive the past. Just step foot into a time machine, punch in the exact date I want to return to, and off I go.

Funny thing is, I have an exact date and time I’d like to go back to. It was with someone close to me who meant the world. We spent the day together on that date. It’s one of most cherished memories and I hope I never forget it. Isn’t this what life is? To reminisce about the days we loved with the ones we held most dear to?

Later world.

Categories
Uncategorized

Following Through

I believe everyone should keep their word. That if they say they’ll do something, they should have full intent on making it happen. A while back after my best friend moved to DC, I told myself (and him), if there was time, I’d fly to visit him. I bought my tickets today.

It’s been a hell-ish week at work with lots of bickering from both my co-workers and my boss. I needed time to stop and do my body a favor with a nice little get away. Away from my little hometown in the suburbs and change of scenery. I’m excited, a bit anxious, but mostly relieved. We haven’t had time to really catch up and I feel it’s necessary to reconnect face-to-face to see what he’s been up to. Phone calls and the frequent group chat we all are apart of doesn’t have the same impact as seeing someone in person.

I don’t believe it ever will. What’s friendship without going the extra mile?

Later world.