Mid-March through April has been a roller coaster of emotions. It’s different, yet interesting. I don’t think I can recall in the past feeling so overwhelmed and having my feelings shift on a dime with each passing week. I felt love, sad, depressed, angry, disappointed, but also missed and appreciated.
The feelings that come from having an off day usually subside by the next week. Having the sheer feeling of not being in control more often is overtaking my thoughts. I’ll admit work life has gotten so bad I nearly had a nervous breakdown. Yet, for now, the show goes on.
I should really find a better balance with work and leisure. Ideally work should be free from the usual office politics and ass kissing. Apparently, everyone thinks I’m a sweet talker and will openly ask me to step in when someone doesn’t get what they want front the other party. The fuck is it my problem?
Fun is relative. Some might consider my time spent reading and writing (like pen to paper in a moleskin notebook) is boring. In terms of physical movements, you’re right. I feel having fun isn’t always about getting turnt as the cool kids say. Some weekends you just need to be alone with yourself and your thoughts — away from all the high energy. Low energy needs more appreciation.
My brain feels like it’s of tune or off frequency at times. All I can hear some days is just static. It’s the shock when your old television displays the high buzz from not receiving a signal over the air. Wanting to get away from everything isn’t bad. If anything learning to appreciate being alone should be a priority for everyone.