I’m sitting here watching my friends smoke some weed and do some other shit I’m not at liberty to say. None of which I’m fond of. I don’t partake. I’m merely an audience member to their usual night time behavior. Some call this a fun night. I’m inclined to think otherwise. It just dawned on me. I’m fighting a losing battle.
I’m not here to save them.
I’m not here to join them.
I’m not here for any of this shit.
The longer I’m here, the more likely I lose my sobriety. It’s a slow creep some nights. Add in a rough week or day of work and who knows what might happen. Temptation is a bitch.
I have other priorities, goals, responsibilities, etc. These guys want to disconnect from the world while I couldn’t be more in tune with it — good or bad days. I love the downs as much as the ups every day brings. Why subject my body to self-harm to feel numb and empty?
Were we all doomed to fall one day? To feel the wrath the weight of the world brings? What is life without pain? Without sadness? Without grief? Anything else is just a lie.
I want only truth and to experience reality. Sober. Later world.