Sunshine 1/13/2019

“You are a ray of sunshine on the cloudiest of days.”

Some days don’t go according to plan and that’s just fine.

Today was unusually frustrating. My to-do list grew and I was overwhelmed — total understatement for this entire fucking month. It’s not usually the case, just this week, deadlines we’re pushed way up and I only have another 5 days before the project is due. I’m stressed, but what else is new…

Truthfully, I’ve felt better and I’m not looking forward to next week for that matter. As I was just sitting there at the coffee shop with my iced latte dreading what’s to come, I felt really uneasy. I think I felt more disappointed by the fact I haven’t been able to fully relax all of this week. This is my life right now. Son of a bitch…

Making matters worse, my boss is in China for the next few weeks and getting in touch with him with the time difference will be a challenge. This fucking blows. He likes to put me in charge but I’m not really one to manage people. It’s just not my forte if that’s even the word.

My philosophy is always just get the work done and don’t dick around. I don’t really care what everyone does behind the scenes. If you’re on task and all the todos get checked off, hey, go crazy. Drop a disco ball in the showroom and have a dance off. Whatever. I think everyone is old enough to know what not to do in an office, but I’ve been wrong before. We shall see.

The day isn’t even over yet and of course there’s more drama to be dealt with. Give me a break. If there’s one thing I want this year is to be just less fucking busy. I feel I’m being spread a bit too thinly. Like butter — or peanut butter if that’s more your thing.

On the bright side, it’s supposed to rain all of next week — which is music to my ears. If relaxing on the couch wasn’t working, I hope the sweet sounds of cascading water droplets will. I think most people dread rain in Los Angeles, but I welcome it with open arms — sans umbrella no less. Shit, I used to just get rained on intentionally for the hell of it. If I needed a smoke while I was at it, an umbrella was used much to the shock of my neighbors.

Neighbors: “Danny, what the fuck are you doing?! You’re getting wet, bro.”

Me: Puff and puff.

Maybe I’ve grown to not like living here the older I get. Seems like all my neighbors are shit with an undertone of suspicion thrown in. Truthfully, they all rub me the wrong way and I’m not sure that their deal is. It’s a weird feeling being surrounded my Chinese people and not understanding 95% of what comes out of their mouth.

I’ve told all of them at one point or another I absolutely do not understand what the fuck you’re saying, but they keep jabbering on and on. Like, can they just get through their heads I might not understand the language? As if somehow the English I speak so fluently wasn’t obvious enough to them. In a nutshell, I’m a guy with a Chinese disguise and not everyone is up and arms about my lack of culture with the other people living in this city. I’m trapped. Story of my life.

I think the only real course of action would just be to move out of my “hometown” that I’ve grown tired of for almost 25 fucking years. It was bearable then, but now I kinda hate it — but hates a strong word. Some people call me a banana and hey, I won’t stop you. Seems fitting if I consider the circumstances. I was born in China, grew up here, managed to only assimilate with Hispanics my entire life and now I feel like I’ll never really feel at home. I should really move the hell out of here and that will be an absolute priority. A high one at that.

The week isn’t all bad. A few days earlier I paid off essentially one of the two student loans I’ve oh so been familiar with the past few years. I think it’s a big accomplishment as my friends put it. Now I can say I just have the other half to worry about, but truthfully, I’ve never worried about it all too much. Like, it’s just there. Boom. Look at me now. My credit score jumped up another 15 points — which I totally dig.

It’s only fitting. Every January, February, and March seems to be about the same. It’s a slow move up until summer rolls around. Apparently, a large percentage of the population has some form of vitamin D deficiency when the colder seasons come, leading to a down or depressed mood. Who knew? Note to self: you’re not weird. It’s just the weather and lack of sunlight.

No one understands me.

2019, you’re kicking my ass, but I’ll keep fighting — as usual. Later world.

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