Cascading 1/10/2019

If I tend to think about something long enough, my mind becomes overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. Not all thoughts start out leading to feeling down, but a few do. It’s like my thoughts cascade on one another and somehow run wild. It terrifies me how I can be having another normal day, but if I’m left to dwell on my thoughts, I’ll somehow inexplicably feel depressed. I won’t go into full blown depression, but it’s less than good vibes or happy thoughts. I’ve wondered if other people have these problems. I’m sure there are a number of things that bother them, but how do they manage their thoughts? Smoke some green? Have a drink?

Work life imbalance has a way of bringing these types of thoughts, especially when I have a ton of things to do and not much time to relax. My mind is restless and my inside voice seems to be up on a soap box all day and night. I wouldn’t say it’s like this all the time, but it’s something I’ve been dealing with more as I’ve gotten older. The feeling of being less than content with everything feels like a common theme. My friends say I have nothing to complain about. Sure. Perhaps from their point of view it’s all peachy. However, I have reason to believe they don’t self-reflect or dive into introspection as much as I do. Heck, why the hell would they.

I get annoyed when they tell me I need to just chill and watch TV or binge on Netflix. Go play video games and you’ll be good. Yeah, right. Seems like a waste of time and only a diversion from your own problems. Worst they can tell me is I’m somehow overthinking. It’s a bit insulting and lacking in real perspective taking. Fuck it. I’m weird then.


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