You truly don’t miss someone until they’re no longer around. I think it’s only human nature to long for those you wish you saw again. You remember times you spent with them, laughter, hugs, talks you had — just everything that brings a smile to your face. A large part of life is continuing on knowing all you have are the shared experiences with them and the memories you keep.
Depending on the circumstances, sometimes it’s quite tragic how they go. You see them living their final weeks and days in pain and suffering hoping they would find happiness again — happiness that was taken from them. We all suffer with them in that regard. Feelings are shared and mutual. Their pain is your pain.
I try not to focus on their final moments. It brings feelings of sadness and greif at the very thought. It never leaves your mind though. Afterall, the clearest ones are usually the freshest. Life has a way of tormenting your very being like that. You wish you remembered more of the past, but time is against your side.
When they do go, you’re left with two conflicting emotions: sadness and relief. It’s sad to not have them around, but you’re relieved they’re no longer suffering. To be alive and suffer tears you up inside. There are not enough words to describe the feelings of despair and therefore, I try not to fixate on them. You find solace knowing they’re finally at peace. Such unrest within someone you love turns them into a different person. It makes them a shadow of their former self. Focus on how they were, not how they became. If you remember them like that, letting go gets just a bit easier. Yet, no one is really ready to say goodbye.
Years may pass, but the feelings linger. Places you’ve gone to tend to trigger thoughts of them once again. I suppose for that reason, they truly never fully left you. For that, I’m grateful for the times we spent and memories we made.