We Need to Talk

For many years now, I’ve witnessed the slow decline of my best friend. He’s gone from being a bit lost to full fledge substance abuse. Think molly, coke, shrooms, etc. He might be smoking weed, but if it amounts to several thousand spent every year, it’s not recreationally anymore. He’s a junkie.

From what very little I can piece together, he isn’t just smoking weed. Other substances are involved and it’s quite apparent. I fucking hate this about him. We should all be a little mad that he mixes substances whenever he has the safety of us nearby, but it’s difficult to stop him. There’s only so much one can say or urge if the message never enters his brain. This shit is a colossal waste of money and he shouldn’t be broke because of it.

Just a couple months prior, we went to see Gorillaz. Everything was fine until he let slip he’d taken coke, molly, and shrooms all at once. He walked all fucked up, moped around, and suddenly became bright red. Shit was fucking terrifying. He rambled on about all the cool and interesting things his mind was seeing, unaware we had a worried expressions in all our faces. I’ll never understand this about him. Why this? How can you bring to yourself to do so much and have us responsible for your well-being? It’s reckless and irresponsible. It’s pushing your luck and I’d wish he would just cut that shit out.

A few years prior, he crashed his car into the divider on the 60 freeway. His events of what happened differ from what his cousin told me, but no surprise — drugs were involved. He’d taken too many Xanax, lost consciousness, and violently totalled his car. It was terrifying to hear the news the morning after, yet upsetting he wouldn’t tell the full truth. It was a wake up call for him, but only temporarily at best.

I’m not sure I’ll ever get through to him, but that won’t stop me from trying. I know him better than anyone else and he’s just a shell of person now. He smokes cigarettes, drinks and likely hasn’t gotten any exercise since P.E sophomore year of high school. I’d really like him to just give a shit and wake up, but it’s not that easy.

The few times I’ve seen him care involved this girl he was hooking up with. It did him some good. She hated the smell of cigarette smoke so he quit — just like that. I’ve might have not seen him every week like I normally do and bailed on our plans like clockwork, but I knew he was happy. Things tragically took a turn for the worst when he found out he wasn’t the only guy she was sleeping with. I told him it couldn’t be, but again, he never does listen. A few weeks of hard drinking and a quick return to smoking Camels later, he was back to his old habits.

Yesterday, in our usual group text, he told me he has no expectations. I replied that’s impossible since everyone expects to wake up in the morning. He said he doesn’t give a shit. That’s a problem and by far the biggest red flag I’ve seen in the over 12 years I’ve known him.

Not everyone has someone looking out for them. I know he needs help and I’m willing to sit him down and get to the bottom of his inner demons. I don’t care how pessimistic he is or how very little he gives a shit. He’s my friend and friends don’t let them fall off the rails. We might argue if we’re to have the talk, but that doesn’t deter me least bit. He needs help and I’d drop everything I’m doing to make sure he gets it.

Later world.

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