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Goals, this year, etc.

In a little more than a month, 2018 will come to a close. The new, skinnier Garza will be back for Christmas. I’m hella fucking excited actually. Not to say 2018 was bad in any way. I will argue it’s been my best year yet. I got a lot of shit done and then some. I was 100% honest with everyone I met or talked to and left nothing on the table — so to speak. Most my thoughts now center on making new goals for next year. Whether I should make them more ambitious is up for debate. If a goal is too easy, is it really a goal?

I ran every week this year and the benefits are definitely there — if my smart watch is as accurate as I think it is. My resting heart rate is in the high 50s. Pretty fucking sweet if I do say. It’s a far cry from my old self a few years ago when 80 something beats a minute was the norm. Fuck that life. Next year, I’ll definitely keep this activity going. If I know me, I’ll eventually end up over doing it and risk injury in some form. I walk up and down a flight of stairs maybe 20 times each day and don’t feel the least bit tired. This, I dig.

Self-improvement was a big goal. Had I not did as well as I did this year, I would have never had to means to fix my eyes. I’m still fucking amazed at how clear I see everything and especially at night. I’m certain I look like an insane person just casually glancing at everything out my car window, but I digress. I was blind as a bat and now I’m not. Was it worth it? Hell fucking yes. I’m more than thankful for the new outlook in the world — in the literal sense. I have 6 pairs of glasses I need to get rid of. Donating them to Goodwill looks like the best option. I could sell them for $50-100 each, but I could care less about the money. Someone else needs them more.

Everyday I wake up and give myself a hard look in the mirror. Why? I’m getting fucking old and it shows. My hair has more than a few strands of grey, which only causes a brief moment of existential angst. I tried a new skin care routine and it’s worked wonders. Think less oily and clearer skin. My friends call it gay, but I call it taking care of yourself, so sue me. Sunblock is a God send and should be used everyday. I’ll keep this going, but it’s adding up a lot in cost. The stuff at the local mens section at Target sucks if you’re not Caucasian.

Most people have a hard time saving money. My co-workers think I’m some masterful person with money, but I don’t think so. All year, I did buy a number of things for myself. Did I need a new set of clothes? No, not really. Three pairs of Ultraboosts? Definitely not. A new MacBook or iPhone XS? Hell no. Honestly, I can do better. I need to be content with the things I already have and should make a conscious effort to not always need the latest and greatest. I think I’m getting slightly better at it, but only time will tell. The biggest money pit — so to speak, was my car. I got a new HD radio, speakers, window tinting, and all kinds of fixes so it runs the way I want. Knowing me, I might not even have this car in the next 5 years. Kind of crazy considering I’m only 1 year in to owning it. Next year, save more money. Got it.

This really should be a high priority for myself. All things considered, I used to survive off a mere $5K a year while I was in college. I spent no money on books or school supplies and cooked every single day. Not factoring in the sheer amount of money spent on drugs and alcohol, this is definitely doable. I like going to nice restaurants as much as the next guy, but it’s not a necessity. Hell, I have a hard time finishing anything I eat and it ends up going to waste. That alone should be motivation to stop eating out so much.

I should be nicer. I think my attitude has shifted to more savagery this year. Everyone likes a good joke or laugh, but I think I’m taking it a bit too far most of the time. My co-workers call me out on it and I really should be a little more considerate of what comes out of my mouth. Being direct, blunt, and honest is always warranted, but I know it rubs some people the wrong way. Case and point: women. This poor girl I was seeing teared up and started crying when I told her bluntly to her face, “I don’t want to be with you. You and I will never be together.” I could have worded that less harshly, but I swear to fucking God she did not get the message. Did she finally leave me the hell alone? No. What a surprise. I thank modern smartphone call and message blocking for that, but I feel a little bad she took it so hard. Words hurt and I need to work on how I say and not pass it off as the hard truth to the person in front of me.

Work has been absolutely hell this year and it took a toll on my mood and mental health. Was this warranted, no. Did I cause this upon myself — definitely. Safe to say I’m a workaholic and will forgo rest and relaxation if the motivation to finish a project is there. I legit need to work on this part of myself. All work and no play makes for one hella fucking depressed (and quiet) Danny. Everyone has been saying I need a new hobby or activity to preoccupy my time and I’m inclined to believe they’re right. Old me use to just drink a couple and knock the fuck out, but now I don’t have that luxury.

Speaking of drinking, I’m certain I will go all year without a sip of alcohol. This was no fucking joke and if I had a dollar for every time a drunk person handed me a beer or tried to persuade me to take a fucking sip, I’d have a good amount of money. I really don’t think people understand my rational for not wanting to drink, but they wouldn’t, couldn’t, and I can expect them to. Come end of December, I’ll feel a bit more accomplished I pulled this off and breathe a sigh of relief.

Although I made some good habits and broke some bad ones, I did let myself down for 2 weeks out of this year. Work was absolutely killing me and I let my addictive personality get the better of me. Having a mild dependency on anti-anxiety medication is no joke, but I’m thankful I’m so mindful of my thoughts before it really spiraled out of control. My honestly saved me from the worst and there were a number of people / friends willing to voice their concerns and offer much needed help. How do I feel? Fucking fantastic and that’s the truth. Will I fall back one day to this terrible period of my life? Fuck. No. Of course it didn’t help my best friend was so willing to get me whatever I wanted, but I (meaning we) need to talk to him about his habits and addictions. Not everyone can be saved, but it doesn’t mean I won’t try.

Truthfully, I feel I need to make a more conscious effort to actually meet up with friends. It’s easy to message someone on messenger or text, but it’s the same as face-to-face. People have their own lives to worry about, but I feel like I’m falling short in this department. Digital communication really doesn’t translate well to the real world. It’s like it almost doesn’t count in my opinion. If you wished someone happy birthday online, it obviously doesn’t have the same impact in person.

Lastly, I need to stop giving a fuck to everyone who won’t give me their time or attention. Case in point, my two less than stellar parents. They absolutely rub me the wrong way and have been essentially the main source of problems in my life. I find it amazing the two people responsible for my existence can be so jarring and full of shit. Part of me hopes I never end up like them and I pray I never do. For many years now, the time I spend talking to my dad throughout the course of a year amounts to no more than 1 hour — that’s combined. My mom I have to see since she’s not good for anything other than traditional around the house work. I have not the slightest idea how much longer I can put up with them. At least I have the means to leave whenever that day comes.

Later world.

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