Sobriety Blows

I’ve gone 9 months without alcohol. Not a beer. Not a shot. Nada. It’s a big milestone considering how much alcohol has been a part of my life these few years. Drinking is always fun… Until it becomes a problem and you’re shaking without it. Waking up restless and covered in sweat was probably a sign I had a serious problem, but who’s going to tell me no? I’m what’s called a “high functioning alcoholic”. I’d have a beer in the morning and several after work. You can surprisingly get good at this the longer you keep it up and find some excuse to drink. If you hate your job and have depression, shit is like a walk in the park. You’ll tell yourself you can stop anytime or something similar.

It’s not that simple. I can see myself walking into a liquor store to pick up a $20 bottle of Svedka and just having it all to myself for the entire night or God forbid — day. Give me two Xanax and shit — we’ve made it a party. It’s the best feeling when you’re on one or two. Your thoughts stop bothering you and for just a few hours, your head is as calm as the morning sea. Bliss.

It’s cheating if I or anyone goes this route. Life is inherently challenging, difficult, and riddled with sadness by design. We want control even though it’s all out of our hands. Does knowing that make it any less shitty some days? Not a chance. But you wouldn’t know how to live life if it was just you and a few empty bottles.

To three more fucking months.

Later world.

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