They say dreams are a message from your subconscious — that they reveal what’s bothering you inside. I’ve had the same two dreams this year and I suppose there’s a lot going inside my head than I realize. It’s like my inside voice is constantly shouting and battling my subconscious. It’s mentally exhausting and I wish there was a mute button to give myself a break.
In one of them, I’m running in the darkness. It’s usually a forest with nothing to guide me. I’m looking for something. Off in the distance is a light. I can’t make out what it is, but I’m trying to find it. It’s almost like it’s trying to escape me. It’s cold and windy outside and there’s no signs of anyone else but me. I’m alone. I trip and stumble a few times, smashing my body into the ground. I always manage to get up, but I’m slowed down considerably. I never do find who, what, or where the light is, but I keep chasing it.
The other persistent dream is morbid. I’m standing on the side of a cliff. It’s one of the popular ones everyone goes to in Santa Barbara. I’m peering off into the distance and admiring the views of the ocean. I can hear the ocean waves cascading and impacting the cliffs below. I’m here for what feels like hours, as the sky darkens and the ocean becomes less and less visible. I inch closer to the edge and jump. I can feel the wind hitting my body and the smell of the water coming closer towards me. Just before impact, I wake up. My chest is pounding.
Someone give me a bottle of vodka and 2 Xanax, please…