If your best friend does blow and you allow it, does it make you accountable for his actions? Friends stick together after all and we wouldn’t let them jeopardize their own safety. Julian was never one that was great at keeping it together. Life hits him like a truck and he hasn’t had the best methods of coping with stress. It’s a shame really. Behind the happy-go-lucky demeanor, lies someone who’s awfully sad and depressed inside. I’ve done as much as I could to have him open up to me about his struggles, but there’s more that needs to be discussed.
I wasn’t always a good friend. I enabled him. When a girl he was seeing was unfaithful, he spiraled out of control. He drank a ton and I did so with him. I could not allow him to get drunk alone. Fuck you Monica. If he didn’t want to spend his money on booze, I used mine without hesitation. He needed a pack of smokes, but was broke, I was right beside him at the checkout line card in hand. I did him wrong, but the alternative was to see him in despair and that I could not stand to see. Take this pill and before you know it buddy you’ll be feeling just fantastic. He was seeing Molly every night.
An interesting effect of lady M is how quickly one starts opening up to you. Earlier in June, while high as kite, he confessed he was not okay — far from it. Julian was depressed to the point of wanting the only way out — death. It shook to me to my very core. The misery of living had reach nearly its limits and he could not go further. Why? How? What’s the matter? I could not grasp the bars holding him back to and give him guidance. His mind was a mess, tortured, and beaten — but this was years in the making. We all knew.
How one can contemplate not living knowing there are friends and family who love you bothers me to the depths of my soul.