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Sobering Love: Part 2

LLC

Looking back, she was trouble from the start. Our first date, she inexplicably told me she had daddy issues. Those exact words. I probably should of ran, but I’m nice. Perhaps it’s not that bad. Oh how wrong I was about Lia.

This was a new experience for me. My early years, I remember only liking Hispanic girls. All my friends were Hispanic and we never questioned our friendship and obvious differences in ethnicity. For me to date a Chinese girl was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable.

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She was petite. Only 5 feet tall. Pale but not to the point she never went outside. Her face was round and she had the most striking auburn eyes that could pierce through any man’s soul. There was not a day she did not wear makeup. Everytime we hugged, her face was smushed into my chest. She found that annoying.

This woman had the most insane temper I’ve ever endured. Her mood swung on a dime and behavior became erratic. Her drinking was questionable and likely a sign of the depression she held within. Her family was from Nor Cal and from wealthy Cupertino, CA. Her dad made millions in a pyramid scheme masquerading as an investment fund. He was married twice and both times divorced.

Her mom was of similar height and so were her two older sisters. I never met them enough to have an opinion, but by all accounts, they too were unhappy. Her best friend Lucia was her ride or die, but secretly, they both hated each other. How two women can be best friends but harbor such negativity for each other is beyond me. These were all bad signs and I should of seen this from a mile away.

Once she got comfortable, I became her doctor. But like some patients at the office, some don’t follow the doctor’s orders. Far from it actually. Her pessimistic outlook began to take a toll on me. She wanted my love and affection, but had to bring me down to her level. Life was dark and gloomy even at my highs. It sickens me to think such a person exists. When I wanted to break it off the first time, she threatened to commit suicide if I followed through. I did eventually, but only after I lost sleep and felt like I endangered someone’s life in the process. We’d get together again, but she lied about changing her ways. People like that are as they always have been. You can’t change them.

It wasn’t always like this. As most beginnings are, things were peachy. Some people only like the beginnings of things — so I hear. She was sweet. Texted back instantly, always told you she missed you, and made it abundantly clear she needed you. It’s cute in the beginning, but tiring in the end. Overwhelming even.

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Her dad would go on these month long business trips to Asia or the east coast to meet with new clients. She naturally threw around the idea of having me come over and stay a while — a very very long while. We basically lived together for at least 25% of the time I was in a relationship with her. Word of advice — do not ever live with your girl friend of less than one year. Shit is going to south and fast. Normally, if two people have their differences, they can just leave each others sight and make up later. Not when you live together. There is no later. No privacy. No you time. Either you make up now or basically never. Worst idea ever.

She wasn’t all bad news. She taught me how to cook and very well I might add. I got my foot firmly through the door with my first serious job because of her. When my car was totaled in an accident just one week before my start date, she drove me to Santa Monica and waited all day for me. Love does that. If it weren’t for her insistence on making better use of my free time, I might not have such a strong work ethic or motivation to reach my goals. For that, I could give her the world as a symbol of my appreciation.

Santa Barbara was the ultimate test. If I moved there, can we continue the relationship doing long distance? The short answer is no. I gave it my all. Texted her as much as one could taking four classes every Monday to Friday and 16 units, but she was never satisfied. She needed me physically and was too needy. When I was busy with my new life in SB, her mind ran wild. Her thoughts became delusions that lead her to think I was seeing other women. The accusations came daily. I fucking hated this about her. I swore if I ever met another woman who treated me like this, I would drop her from my life instantly.

Lives carry on. Not everyone is part of the journey. I’m the captain and there’s only so much room on my boat. Lia made me realize relationships are more than just liking someone, it’s bidirectional, requires reciprocation, and more importantly, doesn’t have to be forever and ever. No one says you have to put a ring on her just yet. If you gave her your all and she can’t see it any other way, it’s best you turned around and without her.

I can only hope anyone I’ve been romantically involved with finds their place in the world. One full of promise and positivity. Breakups suck, but I’d never want anyone to suffer long term. We are born into this world loved and we will leave being loved.

Lessons Learned

  • you’re nobody’s therapist
  • threats are meant to control you; drop her
  • third time is definitely not the charm
  • the way her family responds to you speaks volumes
  • money isn’t everything; don’t let anyone convince you otherwise
  • verbal abuse is real and not acceptable
  • if she self-harms, walk away; she can’t be helped

 

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